He never be ashamed of you!

Hmm, who’s never make a big sins?

I have a big sins since I was 8 years old. And always keep it inside. I think, its all because Jesus want me to feel it! [that’s wrong wrong very wrong!] I regrets all. When I born again, I shamed about this thing. No one know it. Even my leader friends =] – Sharon, and my best friend, bena. It just, too ashamed for me. I think, I must keep it inside! Let it be my big secret that no one know it! But, 1 day I call Sharon [call her sye]. And then, vian join our call. He share about-why everyone like to keep their sins inside? If their share to others about their sins, maybe it would changes others life too. Their will try to confess their sins too. And it will be a dream team! Opens with others.

I think, yeah, that’s true. I write a message to sye, I want share my big sins with her. But, I need 3 weeks to prepare my self. Its not easy.

Finally, I share it [yeah, I cry when I tell her my big secret]. Not easy, yeah! After I tell her, I need time to take a breathe and control my emotion. Can you imagine? You keep it alone almost 10 years! Even im just share with her, just only one person, but yeah, its not easy coz its not a ordinary sins [haha! No no, I means, its not a, emmmm, yeah. it’s my big secret] before it, I think it just my past! But, when I share with her, I really really know-it my past! She can remind me, if I fall again [I hope not!]. thanks God for sye. She’s my great leader.

I share, I born again in her disciple class [haha!]. I share that, He is a very good Father! Never leave me alone when I fall again, still love me. At one time, I pray to Him, I never wants to hurts Him again! I know, all I do and thinks about this sins its wrong wrong wrong!

I pray-God, please take it all! All I feel, all I thinks! I’ve ever tired to free my self from this sins, alone. And I know, I can’t! So Lord, please free my self from this sins, help me! If it can hurts me soooo, I don’t care! I want free my self from this sins. With Your hurtest way, im ok. Take control all my feelings Lord, just take control! I don’t want to hurts You again, Amen.

Then, God free my self from this sins, in the softly way. I cant say anything. He is more than just amazing! He take over my feels, and He give no hurts to me even I always hurts Him!

After I share it, she send me a message-I never be ashamed of you, like God never be ashamed of you! You’re His lovely daughter. You’re precious, what happened!-
I cry again. honestly, I always blamed my self. Its not normal! But I realize, I means everything to Him, like Him means everything to me =]

So guys, I want to share it all! Everything! My big sins I can tell it! But, I cant tell it in public. So, if you want to share, contact me. Be blessed!

t.za@windowslive.com

my purpose life?!! hmm..

It starts-3 July 2008. Honestly, im not very good in english =] but I’ll learn more and more. Hmm, gyo it’s the big event. And im in registration committee, haa! When night workshop 1st day, the topics its about=surrender all your life. It means=surrender your future, your money, your relationship, and all things, just for Him. Give all your life for Him. When altar call, holy spirit ask me=what you think about surrender all your life? And then I said,”missionaries.” But, yeahh. Just it…

And then when I back to my chair, I still stand up and pray. And then my friends hans, approach me. He said to me,” Tirza, Jesus said something to me. Can I pray for you?” I just said yes. He start to pray. He said=lu bakal jadi anak panahnya Tuhan-sebenernya sampe sekarang gw belom ngerti cy, apa artinya =] [btw, ada yg tau b.ingnya tdk? Wkwkwk]. And then he said again, the world don’t need a able persons. But they need a persons who wants! [huah, gw bingung englishnya-for anyone who read it and didn’t understand what I wrote, call me! Haha. Pokoknya dia tu bilang, dunia ga butuh orang yang bisa, tapi mereka butuh orang yang mampu]. And then he said again. You will get so many people and bring them back to Jesus. [yahh, pokoknya dia bilang=lu bakal dipake lebih lagi di jiwa-jiwa]. And then, holy spirit said to me again=the nations! Hmm, honestly I’m not too interested be a missionaries [ohh God forgive me!].

But in the second day of gyo, He speak to me soooo clearly. Morning worship-I share what I get 1 day ago with my friend, bena. I share everything, about my fear too. Im afraid about my parents-if they know I’ll become a missionaries, about money, about relationship with all my friends, and soo many things. But He answer it when morning worship 2. When altar call, I go to the front. I pray, Jesus, if missionaries its my purpose life, give me the sign, and I’ll do it! The pastor come and pray for me. Honestly, I really-really didn’t understand all things that he prayed. But only one sentence that I really-really understand. He said-Jesus speak to you really-really clearly. Im shock! And then I said to Jesus, please give me another sign. And I tell Him all things that im afraid too. He answer all my fears, at workshop 1 and at night worship. About money-He will give anything that you need for His Kingdom. About my parents-He will give them a sign [sebenernya bukan tanda. Tapi pengertian. Apa cy b.ing nya pengertian?]. About relationship with others-you bless the nations, He will bless your relationship with others more! [sbenernya ada 1 lagi. Dulu tu bokap nyokap gw pernah bilang ama gw, kamu harus jadi lebih sukses, lebih cukup lah hidupnya. Secara gw juga anak sulung. Gw tau, jadi missionaries itu akan hidup serba berkecukupan-yeah buat travel ke Negara lain pake uang sendiri, all things bayar sendiri. Not easy. Tapi sang pendeta bilang-apakah kalian ga akan pergi untuk taat pada perintah Nya hanya karena duit? Ijin orang tua? Karena takut pergaulan disana? Atau mungkin bagi yang anak sulung, tanggung jawab untuk keluarganya? Jujur gw shock banget saat dia bilang yang tentang anak sulung itu. Itu bener banget! For anyone doesn’t understand it, please forgive me coz I don’t know how to tell you guys. Hehe.] He just answer all my questions in one day! That’s soo amazing! And then, when Im in my room. I just think about His calling. I cant sleep. And then I take my bible. And I start to pray. Dad, give me one more sign. He answer it in-Psalm 104:33-35 [I don’t have bible in english version, you can read it in your bible =]. Mazmur 104:33-35=33-Aku hendak menyanyi bagi Tuhan selama aku hidup, aku hendak bermazmur bagi Allahku selagi aku ada. 34-Biarlah renunganku manis kedengaran kepada-Nya! Aku hendak bersukacita karena Tuhan. 35-Biarlah habis orang-orang berdosa dari bumi, dan biarlah orang-orang fasik tidak ada lagi! Pujilah Tuhan, hai jiwaku! Haleluya!] when I read=earth, my heart jumpin’. Some voice said to me-the nations. And then I pray again, please.. one more sign.. but He said to me-all that’s sign, not enough? Hmm… in 3rd day on night worship, I speak to Him. Yes, I want to be missionaries. I will give all my life, just for You!

But I feel, its not my purpose in 4th day. Until the closing ceremony, I feel worries. I think, missionaries its not my purpose. Coz, you know. After go to the gyo, so many people will on fire to go to the nations. soo many! And I didn’t want this fire, just for a while!

But in the Sunday’s morning. He give me it! Isaiah 48:6a [Yesaya 48:6a-Engkau telah mendengar semuanya itu dan sekarang engkau harus melihatnya ; tidakkah kamu sendiri mengakuinya?] yeahh, I’ve ever swear to Him I will go! And be a missionaries. I’ve ever heard Him speak to me, soo clearly.

Hmm, I think after I finish my high school I will go and be a missionaries. Before it all, if anyone who ever ask to me=where you will go after you finish your high school? Always, I said=design or architecture. But honestly, I never comfort with all I dreams. Be a design or architect? Ohh… He never answer all my questions to about=where should I go Lord? Design or architect? He never give me a answer or sign, no! when I heard He called me be a missionaries, I think…that’s great! I just,dunno… now Im just 16 years old. 2 years again before I finish my high school. I will learn english more [you’ll can see it? My english is bad! Huw…]. And save my money and not waste it! Its amazing! He changes my life! But, I’ll wait… for the others sign, I need it more. Its my life, and my purpose its sooo important! I always pray for it.

Now, for everyone who read this story, please give me a comments. Its important to me. Thanks for your time, haha! God Bless You All!

-wanna chat or send a message to me?
t.za@windowslive.com