rejoice!

:: Rejoice! ::

This is what I’m feeling about the latest 1 month of my life. Today, 18 January 2009. Okay, I’m sad and so many bitter in my heart. So many hurts. From my best friends and friends. Honestly, I’m not okay. I almost crying everyday, I hate it all! I can’t trust anyone! I hate my self. Am I not good enough for my best friend? Okay I’m not perfect. Sorry, I’m so sad now. I really can’t say anything. How come? Why? It just enough for me, I want to give up but I know it’s not a good idea. I want to quit but I can’t. God, please help me! I want to scream, just shout it out! I hide enough. Please, stop it! I can’t handle it, really. It just hurts me so bad. I hate that! Why you won’t to hear me? I want to explain it all but you won’t to hear that, why? Please, be honest guys, please. Enough to cry! And just hearing you guys lie on me! And talking behind me! That’s really enough, enough…

19 January 2009
Okay, I started this morning with crying too. Little fight with dad. It’s not good I know, but everything just mixed up. Have a big problem with my best friend and now, with dad sigh… honestly, I’m not feeling good. I’m asking, why? Am I being punish by Him?
I chat with 1 of my best friend around 3 PM. And I said everything: I hate her! I won’t forgive her! I hide enough! I always cry! And that’s the end! I want to give up now! I’m just a human. And now, I can’t forgive her. That’s really enough, she’s crying and lying in the same time. I hate that!
She said: forgive her. But I can’t at that time, too selfish and I still feel all the pain in my heart, just get sick about it.
I just saying all of my feeling, and it’s not good I think. I’m not being better after that. So many bitter, so many hurts.
I opened the message from Pet and Amanda Adams. I cried… Cause I don’t think I really strong like that. I’m not that strong…
At home, around 6 PM, I’m fighting with my dad again. What a sucks day? – I think. And I just lock my door. I cry and I talk with my Big Daddy. I said all about my feeling. But again, I cry cause I know, I hide enough. no one want to hear me, and I don’t think that’s all my fault? Why she hate me? Why? And I’m asking the joy of the Lord come upon me. And I’m asking, just stop it all today. That’s really enough for me, I don’t want to cry again tomorrow. And I fell asleep.
Until 9 PM I wake up, and I ate my dinner. After that, I just open my inbox from my daddy cell phone, I broke my phone because of all this silly thing haha so stressful, can’t think clearly. I read – again – the message from Josias Supit, Joy. About 1 Peter bla bla bla… honestly, he sent that message yesterday but, I just can’t open any verses at that time haha, can’t think clearly. But, after I ate my dinner, I just went to my room. And I start it again…
I prayed and then, I open the verses from Joy.
1 Peter 4: 8 – above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
I remember this verse about love: 1 Corinthians 13. And this one:
1 Corinthians 13: 5 - it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
And I read this verse:
1 Peter 4: 12 – dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.
1 Peter 4: 13 – but rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
And I remember the vision of my Youth group for this 2009, I got it last Saturday:
Hebrews 12, and I read:
5. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons.
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
And do not lose heart when he rebukes you.
6. Because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
And he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

And after that, I pray and I shout it out! And sing this song:
I’m trading my sorrow, I’m trading my pain
I’m laying them down, for the joy of the Lord!
I’m trading my sickness, I’m trading my shame
I’m laying them down, for the joy of the Lord!

And I still keep this one:
Proverbs 17:17 – a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

I will not cry again, cry like baby ha ha. Cause I know, everyone will bow down on their knees and praise Him! And I know, I’m stronger now. This test, I will enjoy it now! I don’t care about them, I just want to focus on You and rejoice! This is the ‘love test’. Love the others. I have to be more patient, forgive them, not easily angered, and forget all the records of the wrongs. I learn so many things about love, and God is love. Because of You Lord, I’m free now! I rejoice!

=) God You’re amazing! Enjoy it guys haha!