confess

:: confess ::

Today, I’m down again sigh… my father knew my past, that’s really sick. He knew it from the message that I sent to my friend. Argh! My phone is broken and I used my daddy’s cell phone, I think I forget to erase all the message aaaaaaaaa! And this morning my dad just said that he read all the message, and asking me about the truth. I’m not the person that can open it all, I can’t speak but I know I can write all my feelings haha. And he asked: why you confessed it? And I can’t say anything.
I go to my room, and I text Sharon and Pinki, cause they knew my past. I want to cry! And I just text them like this: my dad just knew my past. Sometimes I felt like that’s really-really a wrong idea to confess about my past. Really wrong idea… I felt so guilty, so shame.

But, God speak something to me: open your bible and look for Proverbs. I opened my bible and I opened Proverbs.

I got this one, really cool!
Proverbs 28: 13 – He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
At that time, I think back again. that’s really-really my past! and I know, I have to confess it! Devil will not happy about that, and devil wants me to feel guilty and want me to not confess it again.

I know even to confess it will break all my heart and hurt me so, and I will feel so shame, but I know when I confess it, I’m the real winner. Not just it, I’m the conquer for that sins! That’s my past, and I want them to look to my life now. Who knows I will be a missionary? I never wish I want to be a missionary in my past, but now that’s my purpose life. Sometimes I felt, who am I? That He uses me in His amazing ways? That when I pray, people be healed? That they will know Jesus because He uses me? I’m surprised cause when I see my past, there’s nothing can glorify His name! And now He uses me? I’m nothing, really. If you know my past urghhh! But sometimes, when I confess it I want them to see my whole life. Not just my life for now. But my past and my future. I’m really nothing for my past. But now I just can says: it’s all because of His grace. Because of His grace...

And I want them to know that He never ashamed of you! When you confess, and says sorry, He will forgive you!
Like this song:
Oh, how many times have I broken your heart. But still you forgive if only I ask.
And how many times have you heard me pray. Draw near to me.

Still He forgives me and you if we ask. That’s really cool! He’s amazing, amazing…
He will use everyone that loves Him so much! He always look into our heart. No matter about your past, He still loves you and use you. No matter what, He still there for you.

And there’s one thing that makes me confess it:
I love Him, and I will do anything that He ask me to do.
Colossians 3: 23 – whatever you do, work at it will all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.
Even that’s so hard for me to confess, but I will do it someday when He ask me to do it. Cause I love Jesus, and I know He want me to tell everyone that He still loves them, no matter what. No matter about your past, He still loves you!

I have this verse for you guys:
1 Corinthians 1: 28-29 – He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are. So that no one may boast before Him.

He’s crazy I know He chose the lowly! To be something that no one can expect. Like me, I’m nothing but now? Everyday I walk with Him and He’s amazing! I really can see God in my life now. And I can’t wait for His amazing plan for me and my future. I really can’t wait =) even it’s so hard, but God always there for me, always…

When I see all the posts of my blog, I want to cry haha! He’s the truly living God, He’s truly amazing, His love is truly for me, so real for me! I never want to going back to my past, never! Cause I can’t live one day without His presence. And that’s really cool!

And I just wrote a letter for my dad haha, cause I can’t speak but I can write =)

And today, I love Him more, and more everday! Send me, and I will go Lord!