tirza.life

surprise ;)

2011-03-06T00:45:00.001-08:00

What a week! Been busy with Dance Party, Camping, and Fundraise. So much fun, so intense.

I want to share what God had been doing in my life. This last 2 week we have "Fear of the Lord" and "Lordship", and next week we have "Authority and Submission". So intense, so challenging. But I learn so much.. I learn so much how to be obey.

2 weeks a go on Wednesday, I can't sleep. Thinking about all the fees. And I get up, stay awake until 3.30AM, which is crazy cause I have morning exercise at 6AM. I talk a lot with God.. And God told me to share in front of the class about how He provide me until I got here. I felt crazy! I never want to do that. Share in front of 60 people. But God keep telling me that.

And finally.. Last Monday I shared!! I have my note with me, but suddenly when I get to the front, it's gone.. So I spoke without any note, and I'm not even shaking-it's weird. And I baked cookies for my classmate. For the first time I baked! With a help from my leaders and Gabby-my Indonesian friend. This cookies is amazing. I dont have money to buy it. I talked to a person who raise her money through cookies, and I pray to God I need 20 dollar for the ingredients. And suddenly one day, this person give me all the ingredients! But when I pray, God told me to gave it all to my classmate. So I did it! 28 February 2011, I shared in front of the class and gave the cookies!! :)

I felt so crazy to shared in front of the class about what I need. But I did it. After I shared, Quenton - my school leader, said to all the class to pray for me. And we all together pray for me. It's amazed me how I see all my friends support me in prayer. How God gave me words to speak. How God gave me strength to shared.

So, I want you guys to pray about:
-Finances. Yes yes ;) After I shared, the money just non stop coming. It's crazy. I see breakthrough in this area, a lot. Last wednesday, I woke up, and just felt like: "aaah, get closer to finances due." But God said: "Why wont you say: this is another day to see more money coming, this is the day to see My Greatness?". I felt so sorry for that, and now every morning, I says this is another day to get more money. And it's real! I see it coming everyday, even just 25 dollar.
I just got my visa for my 1st place! And will process my visa for Iceland this week, so I need to see more money to coming soon ;)
I still need 300AUD for my lecture fees. And 5900AUD for my outreach. Just in 1 week, God provide 1800AUD for me. That's amazing ;)
I have a project called blessed to be a blessings. The picture is down there. If you need more info, let me know your email ;) And it would be great too if I can have 250 people who can donate 25AUD. It will cover all ;)
-My Outreach team. Pray that we got the unity, got the love for one another. There's so many nations in my team: Malaysia, Singapore, USA, Canada, OZ. And pray for our finances as a team. In my team there's 6 people who still need money for outreach. Our finances due is 16th March.
-Strength. It's so intense. I easily get tired. And get a bit stress. Pray for my healthy, so I can receive all the lectures fully.
-Future!! Haha. I dont know why I want you guys to pray for it. But just pray that God will tell me what should I do after DTS ;)

Thanks guys for all the support, all the prayer. God is real. He surprise me a lot.

Love, Tirza

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Matthew 18:19

2011-02-17T00:01:00.001-08:00

6 weeks past already. So fast. Can't believe outreach is so soon now!!

So, maybe some of you already know where I'm going for outreach. I'm going to China on April, Iceland on May, and back to West Australia on June. This is exciting! Can't wait to jump there, go to church underground in China, see young peoples in Iceland, going to high school teaching in WA, and talking about God with them, see the nations changes.

I was freak out last week because I still need my lecture fees. Honestly, yes I freak out. I stand still in God's promise but sometimes I cant make up my mind. So I have my quiet time, and I pray, cry out to God what should I do. And I was reading Matthew recently. So I read it. But this one verse just really stick on me. Matthew 18:19 - “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven." So I talked to my one on one. And she gives me a challenges!! The challenges is to talk about my finances with 4 students, and all the staff school. I felt so nervous cause I never talk about it before, and ask for a prayer. But when I did it, I felt like it's decrease my pride a lot. I felt so prideful because never give my testimony about how I get here. 1st day of challenges, God give me Psalm 25:9 - He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. Psalm 25 really stoked for me. I trust Him so I would never be ashamed. And as I talk about my finances, it just open up my self to others more. My faith growing too when I talk about my testimony, it makes me remembering all the things He has done for me, perfect.

I need tons of prayer :p

1. Finances, for sure :) I still need 2000AUD for my lecture fees, and 5500AUD for my outreach. It seems so big. But I know God is working with me. I need that money soon. So if you want to be partner with me to reach nations, you can support me through click this one: https://www.ywamperth.org.au/007/payonline.asp. I sent this message to 300 people, if each one of you can support me 25AUD (250.000 rupiah) or maybe more, it would cover all my finances!! So let me know. It would be great to be partner with you guys for this mission for nations.

2. Strength, Peace. I know that God not only provides me in finances, but also in strength and peace here. It's been so crazy, so intense, a lot to learn and to do.

3. Openess. I will share about my testimony to more people, asking them together pray for me.

4. Fundraising!! Yeaaah.. Last week we was cheering the children who doing try-athlon. So hot, so tired, but we got some money for outreach! And will do some cookies selling, food selling, car wash, and anything else that we can do for raising money. Please pray for more creativity ;)

5. Boldness and be brave to telling people about God. Cast out the fear :p

Thank you, thank you, guys for every prayer, for every encouragement and for every support. For really give your effort to support me. Love from Perth, Tirza

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Untitled

2011-02-05T18:55:00.001-08:00

Hey guys! I hope everyone have a good day. Thank you guys for all the prayer and support. I just finished my 4th week in DTS. I can’t believe it’s almost a month I left Jakarta!!!

I love Perth. It’s a quiet city if you compare with Jakarta, but it’s really cool. I love the beaches, city, kings park, and I saw kangaroo!

God had been teaching me about hearing His voice, His character, repentance and forgiveness, and this week we learning about intercession and worship. I have had a great time here. Before I get here I thought I already knew all the lectures is. But it’s really shocking me!! There is so many things I’ve learned. Knowing Him deeper and being closer every day. Hear the things that I’ve never thought before like this week we learned about intercession. I know that prayer is important, but I didn’t know why I need to pray. It’s a way for us to communicate and relate with God, to know His thought and hear His voice. My relationship with Him is getting deeper.

We will know where we going for outreach soon. We’re going to Asia or Africa, Europe, and then go to the other part of Australia. It’s gonna be awesome. Preach the gospel and to see the changing of all people life in all over the world. Really seek God and His glory in all over the world.

So I will write down my prayer list. Please pray for:
-finances. Praise God I got 370 AUD. I need 2220 AUD more for lecture fees. If you want to support me and be partner with me to do this mission through supporting me in finances, just click here:https://www.ywamperth.org.au/007/payonline.asp. Who is it for (recipient name): Tirza Pusphita Sari. School payment: Discipleship Training School - Young Peoples. And down the school payment, choose the school fees.
Or if you get confused or want to ask me about anything, just ask me!! :)
-openess. To be open to God fix the things that I need to fix. To open my heart and mind for everything He speaks to me.
-creativity. I need ideas for my fundraising. And for my work duty here!! As student we have work duty every week days. And I’m in media :) doing the designs, power point, videos, etc. There’s a lot things to do and a lot of creativity in need.
So, thanks guys for always support me and praying for me. I love you guys!! Really a blessings in my life. Thanks thanks!

Blessings for all of you, Tirza

Photos: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=1358023395&aid=105335!!

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Walk 1 Lap

2011-01-24T06:17:00.001-08:00

2nd Week!! Maureen, our speaker, is the leader of DTS. This week is about God's character. I loves all the teaching, and her testimony of her life. She speaking about Trinity. I already knew some, but this week I know much deeper. And I love the worship. Worship is my strength.

But I want to tell you my testimony. I still need 2.590 AUD. And I do pray a lot for it. Doing my quiet time every afternoon in the oval, not too far from our base where I stay. One day in my quiet time. I asked God, how can I get money for my lecture fees. And suddenly I heard a voice said: do walk 1 lap after quiet time. And I did that. When I walked, I felt like God will give me 100 AUD. And I start thinking, maybe the money is in.. the grass!! So I looked around. But not there :p

After that 1 lap of walking, I felt I need to write letters to all my friends. And I did that. I sent to all my friends, on facebook message. To make the story short, one of my friend asked me how can I send you money. And I tell her how. But the best thing is.. she sent me the exact 100 AUD!!

God is faithful.

This 3rd week we have repentance and forgiveness lecture. It's gonna be so exciting and can't wait for more life changing :)

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hearing God's voice

2011-01-20T23:22:00.001-08:00

so, I'm at Perth now :) thanks for all the prayer and the support!!

This first week we just know our schedule. pretty tight but it's exciting! in lecture we have: Hearing God's voice. The Queen of Sheba do everything to hear Solomon's wisdom (2 Chronicles 9:1-12). he just Solomon. won't you do everything to hear God's voice?

I really know the reasons why I'm going to DTS. I heard He calling me, and I love Him too much just to ignore His call.

but still, I need to fight here :p
would you guys pray for me?:
-finances. okay. I still need 2.590 AUD for my lecture fees. I don't know how to pay it. but just like before. I didn't know how to pay my visa, my flight, but God provide. and I know for this one too, He will provide.
-getting know people here better. we're just like 12 girls in 1 room, haha, and YPDTS is 53 in 1 class. and I'm not really good in talking with new people. just pray that I will be my self.
-to really understand every lecture. it's kinda hard cause English is my 2nd language. and the books that I need to read.
-creativity. I need ideas for my fundraising. and for my journal and everything too.

thank you guys for support and prayer. I really do need that. blessings all over you!!

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what will happen in 2 weeks?

2010-12-20T07:29:00.001-08:00

yes, Perth in 2 weeks!! I just booked my ticket!! after waiting for a long time :) I will fly on 6th January and arrived at 7th there! so grateful!! I have my ticket not only for going to Perth, but also for back here, Jakarta!

there's so many things have been happened. and will happen. I really can see how God working in me. love how God really teach me to trust in Him. this week spent well by meeting my best friends and saying goodbye for a while - I'm blessed with every person around me. and will be busy meeting some best friends, family, and packing!!

time flies fast and can't believe in 2 weeks I'll be there. been dreaming this for 2 years, and finally it's real. I watched rapunzel (tangled) and this movie is about dream, I guess. and there's a line on that movie saying: go and find a new dream (after Rapunzel's dream come true). well, I'm going to find a new dream. like after this DTS, what I'm going to do, praying a lot about this.

here's some prayer request!!

-my self.

to get ready to meet some new people *it's a bit hard for me to really get in with some new people :p open my self to received all the changes that God wants in my life. open my heart for whatever God said to me. to get ready for both summer and winter!

-finances.

I still need around $3330. been working hard with the cards and other things, I know God will provide every little things I need!

and, I got this verse: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go - Joshua 1:9"

thank you so much for your encourages and support. knowing that I'm blessed by each one of you! Jesus loves you and so do I! :)

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be strong and courageous

2010-11-30T09:26:00.001-08:00

"Remember the last time you needed help? Not just help with your homework, but HELP. You were at the end of your rope, no more options; you'd done everything and nothing worked. You were confused, afraid, and lonely all at the same time. What do you do when the answers just don't seem to come? Joshua 1:9. God gives two positive commands here - be strong and courageous! Don't be afraid. And then, the promise, "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” That promise gives you strength to obey the two commands. You can rest in the fact that God promises to help. You are not alone. You may not get help at the exact second you think you need it. But He will help you. He knows exactly how much you can take. He'll be right on time."

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go - Joshua 1:9

This is the EXACT thing I needed.

So, on the 29th November I'm going to booked a ticket for my flight. There's a special price there, an extra flight. I saw that since the 25th maybe. and on the 26th, I'm going to my bank account and transfer my money to my dad's credit card *to book can only use a credit card*. I paid. Then when I arrived home, Daddy just told me that it will take 2 days. so I waited. And my Dad checked it to his credit card on the 29th. he told me that's there. so I go online to booked. I filled all the application. and paid. But.. there's something wrong. the status is: credit card status declined. it's was in "my manage booked". I was shocked. and suddenly *to make it short*, it's not there anymore, on the "my manage booked". so I think, maybe I should do it once more. then I tried. but.. suprised!! the price is getting high (This is crazy!! just in a seconds!!). And i felt like, hopeless. like it's says: you'd done everything and nothing worked. I almost tried, everything!! online just to know the prices. almost every airlines i checked. go to the travel agent. asking prices. but, nothing worked. I get down and stressful about this flight things, honest. I have enough money to book anyway. but I just think that, God want me to wait. it's not the right flight. it's not the right price you need to pay. wait and hold on, Tirza.

so I go to my bed room, start praying and praying (the only thing that you can do when you get down is praying, trust me). God didn't say anything to me. so I walk out. I'm online again, searched for some flights. and put this on my blackberry messenger status: God, help..

and this is silly :p someone just tagged a photo of me. and we just chat there. there's 4 people there *who put their comments on that photo. silly conversation. jokes and jokes. and suddenly it get to a really silly joke. about: "hold on! God is the one who knows you!!", "God really do loves you!!". and me, suddenly, without thinking: "be strong and courageous!!" *it is a famous verse, isn't it? and suddenly like, woops. I think thats for me. and I can't stop thinking about that verse, all night long. it's around 12AM. I can't stop thinking. so I grab my bible *that one from Joy*, there's an explanation bellow the verse. and I got the thing that I exactly need. God is working with jokes :)

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be strong and courageous

2010-11-30T09:22:00.001-08:00

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go - Joshua 1:9

This is the EXACT thing I needed.

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He's got everything under control

2010-11-16T23:29:00.001-08:00

a quick update. not yet book a flight. cause.. hmmm for some reason the price is getting higher everyday. I'm flying on the high season, I know. and somehow, God tells me to wait *the price is getting higher, and God tell me to wait?!!*. I didn't understand. but for sure I know He's got everything under control. "He does everything just right and on time, but people can never completely understand what He is doing - Ecclesiastes 2:16."

so, I want to raise some money for my DTS on January. some friends from the YP who is coming with me just doing their fundraising by selling some things they have, doing photograph, babysitting, make a christmas cake, etc. I'm working now for a company for design, and I still need more to cover all the payment. and I think the things that I can do is doing design. I can do a design from Adobe Photoshop/Illustrator, CorelDraw, FreeHand. you can choose. maybe I can design a christmas card for you guys, or a birthday card, or anything about design. for card is $10 for each *design only* or $15 for card and design. or just let me know the price that you guys want :p that would be great if I can help you and you can help me!! :)

Love,

Tirza

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I got my visa!!

2010-10-29T03:27:00.001-07:00

So, like the subject of this message. as some of you guys know. I would go to YPDTS this Januari. I just got my visa!! *screaming: I am finally going!! It's become so real!!* I'm excited about what will goin' on about this 2 months before fly to Perth. and more excited about DTS!! just see my classmate and I think they're cool :p

It's been hard time. the visa's taking a long process and the most complicated one. I listen to Jesus Culture's song: "You are Faithful", over and over again. and big yes, through all the processes He's faithful. somehow when I felt down, then some voice just asked me. where's your faith? so, I want to encourage you guys to keep going to do His calling in your life. keep your faith!

and now, the next step is: FLIGHT!

please pray for it. that I can found the cheapest one *I really hope I will have the cheapest one*. and wisdom to choose the best one for me.

there's some things that I need you guys to pray with me:

-my readiness. I need to fix and doing a lot of things to get ready.

-financial. I think I could pay for the flight to go to Perth. but not yet to back to Indonesia. ahaaaaaaa.. I still want to back to Indonesia!! hehe. And the school fees. first is the lecture fees. still need a lot to be covered. I want to do some fundraising. but I have no idea. some ideas guys? :)

-focus on God not DTS or other things.

-to get courage. so many processes and sometimes I felt discourage. yes, I'm still human. the only thing that makes me stand still is God. no one can understand, but God do understand me. knowing He's always there is the best feeling ever!! :)

so, that's it for now. I will keep you the updates.

love,

Tirza

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@mistydedwards, you are intense! I love it

2010-09-24T11:01:00.001-07:00

misty edwards is.. great! I love her sermon. just really, touching me. brainwash. she is passionate with Christ. so, I want you guys to download some of the sermons. I highly recommended the Misty Edwards - The Fasted Lifestyle. I repeat it again, again, and again..

"why do I exist?"

http://www.sjihop.org/audio.php

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when you are outside the comfort zone you will feel alive because you will counting on God every second in your life

2010-09-24T10:21:00.001-07:00

hey guys, how are ya doing? so, it's time for updates!! :) well, I just did my medical check up for visa, and it was good! haven't apply yet for visa cause I'm still waiting for the bank statement from one of my relatives. I hope it's not getting too long to wait.. please pray for it.
it's been hard time for me to stand still and go for DTS. so many things happened, so many process happened too. but I got this verse: If you be calm and trust me, you will be strong - Isaiah 30:15. I need to trust, yes.. but I need to be calm too. the hard thing maybe is to be calm. I'm in the counting down for DTS and feel like, it's the first step for me to go to mission field. and I.. hate to leave so many good friends here and my family, my good-job, my great youth group here. been so save here. and I feel kinda afraid to going outside there. but I "Know where you are headed, and you will stay on solid ground - Proverbs 4:26". someone said to me: when you are outside the comfort zone you will feel alive because you will counting on GOD every second in your life. and that's true, so true.
so, please praying for anything mate :) I will always need your prayers.. send me some of your updates! I'd love to pray for you!

Blessings upon you, Tirza

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His time is PERFECT!!

2010-08-22T10:06:00.001-07:00

so guys. as you know, I need $100 for deposit and $250.25 for the Overseas Student Health Cover. and God just provide me in everything!! it's quite fast, and I still have a bit more. but here's the thing that I want to share: one day, I checked my bank account. and suddenly God just said this when I looked at that number: You know what. I will give You more than this number right after You paid all the deposit and Overseas Student Health Cover. I just smile and asking myself, how could it be? $350.25 is a quite big number for me. and when I paid it all, it would be much less. I just keep it in my mind and think that it maybe not God that is talking with me. maybe that just me.. and this week. I'm just having my tough time. I'm not passionate in anything. last tuesday everything just be done, and I was going to the bank to paid the rest with my dad, cause I'm using his credit card. so we transfer the money to my dad's account. everything well. but I felt like, I need to check my bank balance. and when I checked, I am shocked. it's more than before. my dad just look at me, and I said that one of my friend just message me that he want to help me. that's true, one of my friend just message me. I was not remembering the promise of God that the number will become more after I paid it all, not become less. cause I think it just me, I don't think that's God's voice. but at night I was going to Senen cause I need to share some word's of God there. and I was on the bus. suddenly all things just like a film in my head. I remember it.. and really felt God's grace all around me. and I shared about this on that night. all things is just clear, I am passionate again!! I just think, what if I paid it faster? or what if I'm not checked it again? See, God is working! and He is faithful. His promise is Yes and Amen! His time is PERFECT!

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He is faithful, He is!!

2010-07-28T01:24:00.001-07:00

so guys.. I just received an email that I've been accepted to the Young People's Disciple Training School in YWAM Perth for January 2011. I can't stop smiling when I received it, really.. Maybe for some of you know that it's been 2 years waiting for this DTS. He is faithful.. through so many process, I stand in His promise for me, and finally now ready to go to mission field.
for next it's not getting easier, but I know for sure God is with me.
so, would you guys pray with me?? :)
1. the next step is applying visa. I need $100 for deposit and $250.25 for Overseas Student Health Cover. for the lecture phase around $3530. and for all the etc *so many etc there :p
2. a heart and eyes that fix on God. focus on Him, not on this DTS stuff

I know for sure this 6 months in DTS will changes me, a lot.
And I just want to share some with you guys!! last Saturday, before I received this email, I felt like I'm really down. so many things happened, and it gets me down. and when it was a youth service, on a preaching time, I'm going to toilet and just being there. I need to relax and just being alone. so I'm waiting and waiting.. but at one moment I felt like, okay I'm back to that service. I sited at the behind of the computer's, I operated the computer at that moment. the preaching is so long.. and it comes to an end. he is praying for us. but suddenly he stop. and he started saying: "is there any one of you have a heart for being a full timer?? I would like to pray for you". my heart is beating so hard, am asking: is that me, God?!! and he becomes more specific: for someone that is promising God to be a missionary 1-3 years ago. I'm shocked and I raised half of my hand but I was behind the computer. so he can't see me. but he just kept asking: is there any one of you?!! and finally I raised my hand high. after I raised my hand, he start praying. there's something, not about his prayer, that's touch my heart and suddenly my tears run down. a peace that I know I would go to YPDTS.

so yeah, guys please keep praying for me. that His will be done in my life.

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I should learn to walk.. :)

2010-07-10T09:48:00.001-07:00

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He help me, on time

2010-07-04T05:50:00.001-07:00

so guys here's some updates! i just got amazed by how God really work on time!

as you guys know, I was working my application. it's not easy. I need a really quiet time to fill them up, so i just went to my friend house to fill it up :p and for the medical check up. we just rejected once, and it felt so hard (honestly). I felt the hard atmosphere. but in the last day before Jeffry (the one who will brought my application straight to Perth, cause he's staffing and left 2nd July), I just got my medical check up!! It's really like, God help me out of this. and for that day, is a very very full day. I didn't have time to go to money changer. but suddenly one of my friend just lend his money. I really do need it that time. cause if i got to pay it with credit card, i think there's a tax there.

so that's all my update for YPDTS. i need your pray that God may show me where I should go :) and let His will be done, not mine. God bless y'll!

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It start now! :)

2010-05-04T09:53:00.001-07:00

So hmmm! I just graduate from school last week. Great! Here's some updates!

I've been thinking about DTS Application. And I'm asking some of my friends. They said I have to print it out soon. After I know I'm graduate from school of course.

So yeah.. Last Friday I just print it out. I don't know why it feels like, I really need to print it today.

And all seems like: okay I have time now to print it.

So I print it out..

Let me explain. I want Him to show me every step that I should take, specific. Like: "when I should print my Application. when I should pay for registration. when I should fill the Application". Yap, I need He direct my way always. That's all about surrendering my life.

So, I just print them out. Even it seems need a lot of sacrifice. I need to go to (maybe) 4 stores to print, but it's not working. And in the last store, I just found it. But it's so expensive. But something strong keep telling me: I need to print it today. So yes, I print it.

At night, I give it to my friend so she can fill the Friend Reference. And suddenly she said to me: hey I just thinking of it this afternoon.

Yes I was talked with her like 4 months ago about this stuff. But just once. And I don't think she will remember it or yeah, thinking of it.

And I suddenly know, yes this is the confirmation that I should print it today. We're think of it in 1-same-day! And I'm amazed how God really talk to me, and direct my ways.

So, let's see what's going next (I am excited!!!). And now I try to fill the DTS Application. Pray for me :) Blessings!

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SOULS

2010-04-14T10:33:00.001-07:00

So, what do you think when you heard about "souls"?

Well, let me tell you what happened with my life lately. Today is my last day to go to school. And it's mean, I don't have much time with my friends like before.

Last Sunday, I go to network meeting. And some of them sharing their life. They are GREAT! They are giving their life for souls. And they are my friends. I just thinking, what's goin' on now in my life? I am too busy. For study, for church, for something-that-not-too-important.

Last Monday, I gave my brochure about Gift (8th Anniversary of Youth Society) to one of my friend. And suddenly, all my friends asking me about this brochure. Just a little thing I do, just obeying Him that day.

And today, I don't know why I am feeling sad. Maybe it because I have to say "goodbye-for-a-while" with some of my friends. But.. Maybe not that.

I felt sad when we're gathering on 1 class. So full. Full of a senior highschool students that will graduate soon. I just remembering the first time I go to school, and see this "crowded".

And at night, I go to prayer meeting. God has talk alot!

What I am doing for this 3 years on high school? Where's my fruits? Am I doing my best?

Nope. And I feel so sorry with that. I am too busy. I am too selfish. I am too shy.

I'm not giving my best for this 3 years. I'm not talking enough about Jesus with them.

But hey.. I have to move and move on. I have to work more for souls.

Guys, giving your best before it's too late. Before you regret it. Preach the Gospel as much as you can!

souls: love them as well as you can, spend with them as much as you have, share with them as many as you have

James 2:14 - My brothers and sisters, if people say they have faith, but do nothing, their faith is worth nothing. Can faith like that save them?

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even with eyes closed, we pedalling back, and let everything in His hands..

2010-03-04T22:53:00.001-08:00

got this messages from my youth pastor.

"even with eyes closed, we pedalling back, and let everything in His hands.."

that's what I'm doing now. with my eyes closed, believing in His promises. and see it with a faith..

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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even with eyes closed, we pedalling back, and let everything in His hands..

2010-03-04T22:48:00.001-08:00

Got this messages from my youth pastor.

[[posterous-content:tow0dl4njPR3e56ebRAg]]

"even with eyes closed, we pedalling back, and let everything in His hands.."

that's what I'm doing now. with my eyes closed, believing in His promises. and see it with a faith..

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Cycling with GOD-full version:p

2010-03-04T22:43:00.001-08:00

Got this messages from my youth pastor.

"even with eyes closed, we pedalling back, and let everything in His hands.."

that's what I'm doing now. with my eyes closed, believing in His promises. and see it with a faith..

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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"nothing beats the feeling when you see that people change through you"

2010-02-25T09:06:00.001-08:00

"nothing beats the feeling when you see that people change through you" I really do love this quote! reminds me of that outreach-ing and stuff. really makes me missing my outreach time.. reminds me of all people that I love, people that I not seeing their changing YET. especially my close people, and my best friend. sometimes, I can't see it. almost give up. but really in the deep of my heart, I still believe My God working that all things. shot me? yes. how about you? do you still having a heart full of compassion and mercy for others? think about it :)

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new phone ihiiiy!

2010-02-22T04:10:00.001-08:00

I'm not going to be proud about this new phone ha ha! it's all about God's promises!

I've been praying for some music player about a year. I need that for my quiet time. emmm, God never give me an answer. so I just wait..

But this January, when I'm praying about this again. God just show up and said: ok, wait till February.

And suddenly, my phone breaks. I can't turn it on. so I came to my father's friend who have a service center for phone. And on my way, I see this phone, the phone that's with me now :)

I said to mom, it's pretty cool ya? She's silent. and somehow, I just asking about this phone, and it's a normal-price phone but still a cool one! so i just have a little conversation with dad and mom. and now, it's with me!

I'm talking about God's promise. He's soooo real! I'm asking for a MP3 or something like that, but God just give me a new phone! He gives me the besssssst! yeeeeeeeeeeah! I see His promise has been fulfilled. next: brother and YPDTS YWAM PERTH 2011! I'm coming soon!

here's some pictures from my new phone, enjoy!

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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my 'toughandfullofsurprise' year. in every year I'll praise You!

2009-12-23T07:30:00.001-08:00

I came to my Junior Church group. They have a celebration for Christmas.

To make this story short, the youth pastor sing this song: Casting Crows - Who Am I.

and here's some lyrics: "I am a flower quickly fading. Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean. Vapor in the wind. Still You hear me when I'm calling. Lord, You catch me when I'm falling. And You've told me who I am. I am Yours.."

this 2009 is not a easy year for me definitely. so much pain, from the end of 2008 till now. I can say in every aspect. family, school, future, friends, love, emmm everything.

but when I heard: I am the flower quickly fading. yes I am. so easy to fall, so easy to get tired. but still You CATCH me when I'm FALLING.

realize what God have done for my 2009. so struggling to stand still. but see what God gives to me!

maybe if i'm not passing that 'hurtpainfulloftears'time, i'm not gonna be this STRONG. I'm not in this 'level'. I'm not going to Malay. I'm not knowing what God wants in my life.

really, I enjoy everytime I fall. cause I know God's my only strength and He helps me. and in the end I will know, I become STRONGER

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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my 'toughandfullofsurprise' year. in every year I'll praise You!

2009-12-23T07:04:00.001-08:00

I came to my Junior Church group. They have a celebration for Christmas.

To make this story short, the youth pastor sing this song: Casting Crows - I am Yours.

and here's some lyrics: "I am the flower quickly fading. here today and gone tomorrow. still You hear me when I'm calling, Lord You catch me when I'm falling. And You told me who I am.. I am Yours"

this 2009 is not a easy year for me definitely. so much pain, from the end of 2008 till now. I can say in every aspect. family, school, future, friends, love, emmm everything.

but when I heard: I am the flower quickly fading. yes I am. so easy to fall, so easy to get tired. but still You CATCH me when I'm FALLING.

realize what God have done for my 2009. so struggling to stand still. but see what God gives to me!

maybe if i'm not passing that 'hurtpainfulloftears'time, i'm not gonna be this STRONG. I'm not in this 'level'. I'm not going to Malay. I'm not knowing what God wants in my life.

really, I enjoy everytime I fall. cause I know God's my only strength and He helps me. and in the end I will know, I become STRONGER

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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my 'toughandfullofsurprise' year. in every year I'll praise You!

2009-12-23T03:36:00.001-08:00

I came to my Junior Church group. They have a celebration for Christmas.

To make this story short, the youth pastor sing this song: Casting Crows - I am Yours.

this 2009 is not a easy year for me definitely. so much pain, from the end of 2008 till now. I can say in every aspect. family, school, future, friends, love, emmm everything.

but when I heard: I am the flower quickly fading. yes I am. so easy to fall, so easy to get tired. but still You CATCH me when I'm FALLING.

realize what God have done for my 2009. so struggling to stand still. but see what God gives to me!

maybe if i'm not passing that 'hurtpainfulloftears'time, i'm not gonna be this STRONG. I'm not in this 'level'. I'm not going to Malay. I'm not knowing what God wants in my life.

really, I enjoy everytime I fall. cause I know God's my only strength and He helps me. and in the end I will know, I become STRONGER

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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31 October 2009

2009-12-15T21:55:00.001-08:00

update for my plan to YWAM :)

really realize God's heart for me. so I have a little promise to God that I would give Him an 'answer' about my next plan. my future, my school, my everything. and I said: "the end of October I will give You my answer. but please, give me any sign. give me passion. give me something that can make me know, I'm not going to the wrong way." so yeah, here's the story..

I think 31 October is the end of October, right? But I really forgot that day. I forgot about my promise. my day went well. until I came to my prayer meeting before my youth service start. and God spoke to me: "do you remember what date is it?". I said: "uuum, yaaah of course! 31 October, right?". and He's silent. and I start to think, what God? for a while, I'm hardly thinking what God's mean? but then I realized, my promise. so I start to pray and talk to God. and remembering all thing that happened before this day.

a week before that day, i went to a meeting wit h my friends. and 1 of them from YWAM. he starts to talk about God's miracle while He's doing His DTS. it went well. and every miracle really makes my heart said: I WANNA GO THERE!
and about univ, it's not in my heart I know.

so I decided on that prayer meeting that I would go to YWAM!
and I went home, I opened my laptop.
I opened my facebook, my twitter, my msn..
and last, my email.

I'm totally shocked that I receive this email..

Greetings from YWAM Perth!‏
From:     Youth With A Mission Perth (Partners@ywamperth.org.au)
    Medium riskYou may not know this sender.Mark as safe|Mark as junk
Sent:     Saturday, October 31, 2009 6: 23 PM
To:     partners@ywamperth.org.au
Attachments:     2 attachments | Download all attachments (458.9 KB)
    image001.gif (7.7 KB), celebrati...pdf (451.2 KB)

It's about 4 months they're not giving me an updates and on that day, exactly on that day, they sent me one!

He's never too late :)

Anyways, Merry Christmas 2009 guyss! :)

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don't be afraid, Tirza

2009-12-14T22:10:00.001-08:00

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don't be afraid, Tirza

2009-12-14T21:52:00.001-08:00

okay finally i wrote this post. sooo, this is what i felt everytime i passed every boarding check.

you know what, my name on passport and my name on ticket is different. and i just knew it when i passed the 1st boarding check. one of my friend just told me that's her fault :p

so yeah, i felt worries everytime i have to passed that boarding check.

but i remember that day before i go to airport and doing a lot of stuff, i just pray in early morning and i just said this to God: Dad, please give me at least one verse for me to go to Malay :) and He gives me like a verse that so many words of: don't be afraid. i started asking God, what's this? and i think uhh maybe this is for the ghost thing (cause we're going to their village and so many spiritual things there), or maybe for the camp, or maybe for the Orang Asli people.

but when my friend told me about the ticket(s), i just realize that's really for me.

everytime i wait for the check, i pray alooooooooot. but i never felt like God will leave me. so when my turn come, i just said this: let Your will be done.

that's totally amazed me. 15 checked i passed and here i am! God really makes them 'blind', haha :)

thank's God, You amazed me (again)

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1st Mission Trip!

2009-12-13T03:42:00.000-08:00

KLCC! Beatifull KLCC with vinny :)

We made it for the camp people :)

play play play :)

team pic! perfect team!

we need love.. we need God :)

run, and finish it

2009-05-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

Be serious!

I want to share something. Hmmmm, lately I’ve been so far from Jesus. And some questions surround in my head: will I go to heaven or, hell? I know I’m drop. I didn’t spent much time with God lately, like before. Maybe, because of problems, and time, and situations. But now I know it’s about my heart. I can say that it’s not more, but less. And I don’t know why, but I’m not in the right track, I mean my relationship with Him. And I’ve a bad bad bad feeling, about heaven and hell (tolak dalam nama Yesus!).

It’s all my fault, 1 day God want to came to me. But I said: God, Saturday ya? – on that Saturday we have GROW, kind of like the call?

And that Saturday finally come. I’m so excited because I will see God, hearing His voice again, and feel His presence! From the first time when I’m there, I really feel God’s here! I keep praise and worship Him. Until 1 preacher, he’s bule. I don’t know why, since he spoke, my heart melted. And I can’t stop crying. God spoke to me, a lot

I didn’t listen what he said completely. Cause He’s not stop talk to me. The preacher talking about angels and all of them worshiping God, if I’m not wrong – I don’t know I can’t hear his voice clearly. And God spoke to me: are you sure you’re going to heaven? To meet Me, you said wait. You’re too busy with your problems, and your heart. Even to talking with Me, you won’t. You choose your friends. Tell Me, how many miracles that you need for you come back to Me? Isn’t it all amazed you? Isn’t it? Are you still loves Me more than anything? Are you still knows that My Grace is enough for you?

And I know I hurt Him so. And I heard, He’s crying.

And I said: I won’t go to hell. I can’t worship and praise God there. I can’t feel His presence, the only one presence that can make me cry, can make me fall on my knees, the one who can give me comfort and joy. That’s my life, worshiping God.

At that time, I opened my eyes. And I said: save this generations, they loves You so much. But then God said: are they? I don’t think so.

God breaks my heart, not just for the people that I love. But for the people who loves God. Seeing so many people worshiping Him, that their life and my life. And I can’t imagine if that people who loves to worshiping God, going to hell (tolak dalam nama Yesus!!!!) and finding no worshiping God anymore. No life there.

So many miracles happened lately in my days. But still my heart can’t seek God. I felt, empty. Nothing. I know, because I’m not trying to search Him, MORE

But I realize on that day, God want YOU more! God want ME more! Not just like this. But more more and more! Not stock and stop right there! It almost done, guys. Don’t be tired. If you tired, and feel empty, come to God! – Psalm 23. Search Him until you find Him. Run, and finish it!

So many people running faster than me, I know. Faster than you. They search God like hungry everyday. Will you stop right there? And just being an ordinary one? Or the special one? That when so many people worshiping Him, His eyes still on you because He can’t see the other heart that loves Him, hungry of Him. Because of you are the special one that have love God more than life, more than anything in your heart.

Guys, just simple question: do you love Him more than yesterday? Do you love Him more than your 1st love with Him? Are you still have that passion?

Let’s run together

Psalm 23:5b – and I will live in the house of the Lord forever

rise up!

2009-04-28T04:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, to be honest. I’m focus with my problems lately. Not focus on God’s promise, but my life and problems. I stop going to slums, and I hate that! I just realize I hate being home and doing NOTHING.

I hate that I can’t ‘feel’ Him right here, right now. There’s something that separated me with His love, and I hate that! I hate that I can’t feel His heartbeat again. I hate to be lazy and just sleep in my holiday time. I want go, I want go!

Sigh. Yes, so many problems since December 2008, since all the bules gone. I don’t know why. But I know He wants me to go to the next level.

So, here I am. I don’t want to be a weak girl, weak ‘Tirza’. Who stop doing ministry to the slums and just thinking about her problems.

Yes, I’ll rise up!

lady in waiting

2009-04-28T04:11:00.000-07:00

Have you guys read ‘lady in waiting?’ hahahaha. I just bought it 1 week ago, and I almost have a half way to finish. I think I have to read that book. Yes, that love ‘thing’ really eat me up. You can fall in love like crazy. But you and I have to know the truth that no one else can compares His love. That no one else satisfied me like His love. No one! I can’t get that perfect love with my future husband. Just only in Him. I realize that God wants me to be a wise Bride for Him. And to be a wise Bride of God, I have to pursuing a holiness and purity. I like this one:

Are they calls you ‘nerds’ or something bad cause you try to pursuing holiness and purity? Let them call you anything, as long as God calls you faithful. 1 Corinthians 4:10

And that’s really touched my heart deeply.
And some questions keep surrounding in my head,

Will you cost anything, for God calls you faithful?

when it's really about love...

2009-04-28T03:58:00.000-07:00

I just read 1 Corinthians 13 and I got this note:

If your relationship is about love, then jealousy can’t be part of it. True love is not jealous. Somehow we’ve confused this and begun to think that if you love someone, you’re supposed to act jealous and possessive. Love is about serving, selflessness and caring. Arrogance and jealousy are for the insecure. Learning to love and trust someone means that you don’t worry about who he talks to, or who’s he in the same room with. If your guy isn’t trustworthy, then he’s definitely not the one for you. Start friendship instead of dating. That way you can spend time with different people until you find the one who lines up with your beliefs and values, the one you have fun with, the one you love, the one you trust completely. The possibility for boyfriends will come and go. Commit to having holy courtship and let God bring the one he has chosen for you.

I love it all, and it’s all is true!
But the most is:

When it’s really about love, jealously will lose out and trust will win…

Dang! I got the answer!

best.friend

2009-04-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

Something that makes me happy for this week -- yeah except all that problems and stuff -- is a simple prayer from Bena. I have known her like, 2 years. And I know she’s a phlegmatic person. She’s not like, a caring person. She’s not a person that always can express her feelings.
She just turned to 18th last Sunday, 12 April 2009. And I just give her a simple scrapbook, because she’s going to her university next year and it’s a little far from here, from Kelapa Gading. And we just talked about it, she will live there. And not much time we have after that. She’ll busy with her university and stuff, and me too -- next year is my last year for high school. And, I’m sad. Being far away from best friend is bad and sad. And we realize that. So, for this birthday she wants something that can she remember all the time. And I make that one scrapbook. So many pictures our friendship, and our youth group. And her dance, her dog – benza, her family, and many things I’ve wrote for her. To give her strength when she’s weak, and just to reminds her to our Father God. She can bring that scrapbook to be with her when she’s far away from family and friends and benza.
And last Saturday, in our youth there’s a time for us to pray each other. And I prayed for her, she prayed for me. And something that makes me glad, and shocked, when she said in her prayer: thanks God for Tirza, my best friend, who always being a good friend for me. The one who always bring me back to You.
And she pray for my mission too, and all for my purpose life. That’s a simple prayer that really really breaks my heart. Really touch my heart. I just realize that every friendship needs that prayer. Maybe I’m shocked because she’s not like that person who can say that thing. And it’s really healed my heart.
We’re good now, and we still learning. And sometimes, we need to fighting each other to be closer. Ha ha ha!
But You still my closest friend, Father God :)
Thanks God, for everything that have you given to me. For every each person that You put in my life. They’re amazing.

everything

2009-04-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVJqRLU3J0I

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
where I find peace, again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light, to my soul.
You are my purpose, you're everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You still my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want, you're all I need.
You're everything, everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better, any better than this.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

I always crying when I see this video, thanks Daddy

forgiveness

2009-03-23T08:50:00.001-07:00

18 February 2009

If you’ve been hurt by a friend, you’ve probably got some big scars. The truth is, you’ve only got a couple of options about how to handle your pain. You can look at your scars everyday and let them remind you how hurt you’ve been. You can think about them all the time. You can spend hours plotting revenge or deciding what kind of snide remark to make the next time you see your friend. You can tell everybody else how badly you were treated. You can hold a grudge. Eventually that grudge will turn to hatred and bitterness. And you won’t ever be satisfied. You’ll just end up rehearsing your pain day after day, and it will finally eat you up. You’ll regret how much of your life was spent wallowing in misery.
The other option is a combination of two powerful expressions: grace and forgiveness. Grace means forgiving a friend even when he or she doesn’t deserve it. After that, live your forgiveness. Your words and your actions will show that you have truly forgiven. The 1st option keeps you in chains. The second one sets you free. Forgiveness frees your heart to love your friend the way God loves you!

Honestly, still hard for me to forgive. So many hurts that I get.
Okay, in the beginning. I’m struggling because of this problem for a long time. Not too long, but really makes me sick.
And yesterday, God just said: you have to fasting tomorrow!
I replied: for what?
God said: to forgive.

I just obey and, in the afternoon. I think, 12 PM, I just want to do my worship time! I miss that time. But I can’t at that time. I’m still at school.
I go home at 4 PM. And ate, watched some films, take a shower, and I felt so tired. I just want to sleep…

But, I don’t know why I open my ‘Music’ folder in my laptop. I played some songs. And just goes on… 7 or 8 songs.

And I get that. I read that on the Bible New Century Version – Joy just borrow me that Bible *thanks Joy.

God said to me: if you love Me, forgives her. And forget it all.
I said: how can? It’s too hard. I can’t do it myself alone.
God said: I will help you.

I know He just give me a test. He’s the teacher. And we’re doing our test. But He’s a very very kind teacher. If we said: we can’t answer *means through* this test, He will help us through it all =)

how can i stop thanking You, Lord

2009-03-23T08:44:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I just played some of my songs. And I opened some of the pictures in my laptop. And, this is what I get

Songs:
.Heart of Worship – Hillsong
.All for love – Hillsong

and I just can say this:
How can I stop thanking You, Jesus!

For all that you have done. For all that you give to me.

And guys, I just wanna say thank you! You all amazing! I never thought I’m gonna be here right now writing this note for you all. I never thought that I would be like this, having this one’s amazing life =) I’m just nothing. But He really loves me, and you! And yes, I’m amazed!

heartbeat

2009-03-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

God is amazing, all the time. And now, I just can feel His heartbeat, so fast, faster than before and before.

So many signs, He’s coming soon. And 1 day, I prayed like this:
God, just come now! I’ve been waiting for long! You know I miss you lot! Want to see You face to face!

But, I just remember about my brother. He still in the processing and I believe that he will live his life in the right way soon! Amen!
And I remember all of my friends that didn’t know yet about Jesus. And I want them to feel their wonderful life with Jesus! And I remember people in the slums. This ibu, this bapak. All of the lost souls. And I found that I’m too selfish. Too selfish to ask Him come now. So many people, are going to hell now! And what we gonna do? Just be happy cause He’s coming soon? Or afraid and we just thinking of our sins? I mean, that’s right. That’s fine! But 1 thing that you guys have to remember, keep on fire to wins the souls! Even it’s not easy, to preach the gospel to our family or our best friends. But, having that compassion guys! And you have to know that you’re the winner! Let all the world see that Jesus Christ is the living God!

His heartbeat is faster than yesterday, cause so many people go to hell! And no one care about them! He need us, He need us to help them know about Him!

He’s coming soon, are your mission complete yet?

anyway, heartbeat? i love that word =)

confess

2009-01-25T03:07:00.000-08:00

:: confess ::

Today, I’m down again sigh… my father knew my past, that’s really sick. He knew it from the message that I sent to my friend. Argh! My phone is broken and I used my daddy’s cell phone, I think I forget to erase all the message aaaaaaaaa! And this morning my dad just said that he read all the message, and asking me about the truth. I’m not the person that can open it all, I can’t speak but I know I can write all my feelings haha. And he asked: why you confessed it? And I can’t say anything.
I go to my room, and I text Sharon and Pinki, cause they knew my past. I want to cry! And I just text them like this: my dad just knew my past. Sometimes I felt like that’s really-really a wrong idea to confess about my past. Really wrong idea… I felt so guilty, so shame.

But, God speak something to me: open your bible and look for Proverbs. I opened my bible and I opened Proverbs.

I got this one, really cool!
Proverbs 28: 13 – He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
At that time, I think back again. that’s really-really my past! and I know, I have to confess it! Devil will not happy about that, and devil wants me to feel guilty and want me to not confess it again.

I know even to confess it will break all my heart and hurt me so, and I will feel so shame, but I know when I confess it, I’m the real winner. Not just it, I’m the conquer for that sins! That’s my past, and I want them to look to my life now. Who knows I will be a missionary? I never wish I want to be a missionary in my past, but now that’s my purpose life. Sometimes I felt, who am I? That He uses me in His amazing ways? That when I pray, people be healed? That they will know Jesus because He uses me? I’m surprised cause when I see my past, there’s nothing can glorify His name! And now He uses me? I’m nothing, really. If you know my past urghhh! But sometimes, when I confess it I want them to see my whole life. Not just my life for now. But my past and my future. I’m really nothing for my past. But now I just can says: it’s all because of His grace. Because of His grace...

And I want them to know that He never ashamed of you! When you confess, and says sorry, He will forgive you!
Like this song:
Oh, how many times have I broken your heart. But still you forgive if only I ask.
And how many times have you heard me pray. Draw near to me.

Still He forgives me and you if we ask. That’s really cool! He’s amazing, amazing…
He will use everyone that loves Him so much! He always look into our heart. No matter about your past, He still loves you and use you. No matter what, He still there for you.

And there’s one thing that makes me confess it:
I love Him, and I will do anything that He ask me to do.
Colossians 3: 23 – whatever you do, work at it will all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.
Even that’s so hard for me to confess, but I will do it someday when He ask me to do it. Cause I love Jesus, and I know He want me to tell everyone that He still loves them, no matter what. No matter about your past, He still loves you!

I have this verse for you guys:
1 Corinthians 1: 28-29 – He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are. So that no one may boast before Him.

He’s crazy I know He chose the lowly! To be something that no one can expect. Like me, I’m nothing but now? Everyday I walk with Him and He’s amazing! I really can see God in my life now. And I can’t wait for His amazing plan for me and my future. I really can’t wait =) even it’s so hard, but God always there for me, always…

When I see all the posts of my blog, I want to cry haha! He’s the truly living God, He’s truly amazing, His love is truly for me, so real for me! I never want to going back to my past, never! Cause I can’t live one day without His presence. And that’s really cool!

And I just wrote a letter for my dad haha, cause I can’t speak but I can write =)

And today, I love Him more, and more everday! Send me, and I will go Lord!

rejoice!

2009-01-23T22:20:00.000-08:00

:: Rejoice! ::

This is what I’m feeling about the latest 1 month of my life. Today, 18 January 2009. Okay, I’m sad and so many bitter in my heart. So many hurts. From my best friends and friends. Honestly, I’m not okay. I almost crying everyday, I hate it all! I can’t trust anyone! I hate my self. Am I not good enough for my best friend? Okay I’m not perfect. Sorry, I’m so sad now. I really can’t say anything. How come? Why? It just enough for me, I want to give up but I know it’s not a good idea. I want to quit but I can’t. God, please help me! I want to scream, just shout it out! I hide enough. Please, stop it! I can’t handle it, really. It just hurts me so bad. I hate that! Why you won’t to hear me? I want to explain it all but you won’t to hear that, why? Please, be honest guys, please. Enough to cry! And just hearing you guys lie on me! And talking behind me! That’s really enough, enough…

19 January 2009
Okay, I started this morning with crying too. Little fight with dad. It’s not good I know, but everything just mixed up. Have a big problem with my best friend and now, with dad sigh… honestly, I’m not feeling good. I’m asking, why? Am I being punish by Him?
I chat with 1 of my best friend around 3 PM. And I said everything: I hate her! I won’t forgive her! I hide enough! I always cry! And that’s the end! I want to give up now! I’m just a human. And now, I can’t forgive her. That’s really enough, she’s crying and lying in the same time. I hate that!
She said: forgive her. But I can’t at that time, too selfish and I still feel all the pain in my heart, just get sick about it.
I just saying all of my feeling, and it’s not good I think. I’m not being better after that. So many bitter, so many hurts.
I opened the message from Pet and Amanda Adams. I cried… Cause I don’t think I really strong like that. I’m not that strong…
At home, around 6 PM, I’m fighting with my dad again. What a sucks day? – I think. And I just lock my door. I cry and I talk with my Big Daddy. I said all about my feeling. But again, I cry cause I know, I hide enough. no one want to hear me, and I don’t think that’s all my fault? Why she hate me? Why? And I’m asking the joy of the Lord come upon me. And I’m asking, just stop it all today. That’s really enough for me, I don’t want to cry again tomorrow. And I fell asleep.
Until 9 PM I wake up, and I ate my dinner. After that, I just open my inbox from my daddy cell phone, I broke my phone because of all this silly thing haha so stressful, can’t think clearly. I read – again – the message from Josias Supit, Joy. About 1 Peter bla bla bla… honestly, he sent that message yesterday but, I just can’t open any verses at that time haha, can’t think clearly. But, after I ate my dinner, I just went to my room. And I start it again…
I prayed and then, I open the verses from Joy.
1 Peter 4: 8 – above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
I remember this verse about love: 1 Corinthians 13. And this one:
1 Corinthians 13: 5 - it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
And I read this verse:
1 Peter 4: 12 – dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.
1 Peter 4: 13 – but rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
And I remember the vision of my Youth group for this 2009, I got it last Saturday:
Hebrews 12, and I read:
5. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons.
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
And do not lose heart when he rebukes you.
6. Because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
And he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

And after that, I pray and I shout it out! And sing this song:
I’m trading my sorrow, I’m trading my pain
I’m laying them down, for the joy of the Lord!
I’m trading my sickness, I’m trading my shame
I’m laying them down, for the joy of the Lord!

And I still keep this one:
Proverbs 17:17 – a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

I will not cry again, cry like baby ha ha. Cause I know, everyone will bow down on their knees and praise Him! And I know, I’m stronger now. This test, I will enjoy it now! I don’t care about them, I just want to focus on You and rejoice! This is the ‘love test’. Love the others. I have to be more patient, forgive them, not easily angered, and forget all the records of the wrongs. I learn so many things about love, and God is love. Because of You Lord, I’m free now! I rejoice!

=) God You’re amazing! Enjoy it guys haha!

I trust You

2009-01-10T22:49:00.000-08:00

:: I trust You ::

I’m in God’s processing now. about friendship. That’s really, HARD!
He just gave a ‘special class’ for this 2 last weeks. Makes me can’t sleep, I can sleep above 1 AM. Pray hard, and thinking too much-that’s my fault. I break my phone cause I’m so mad at that time, little ‘fighting’ with my best friend and my friends, can’t trust anyone, be a ‘baby sister’ for my best friend – that’s really sucks dude, and got so many hurts – you can see my blog with the post title: letter for Jesus, my best friend. But, I learn soooo many things.
Okay, I can’t tell you guys the problems, my privacy haha. If I’m telling you guys, maybe I need 100 pages, it’s a long long long story. But I can tell you what I’m learning about. I almost lost my best friend because I can’t trust her, and like what I said I’m being her ‘baby sister’, have a worries about her and want to control her 24 hours! I almost lost her cause I’m not mature enough, I get mad and I didn’t spoke to her – 1 day.
But, I just remember 1 thing. About my past with 1 of my closest friend at that time. I just control her like crazy, I said no for everything that she did, I mad and have a fighting like emmmm lost contact around 6 months I think?!, I won’t to say sorry and she’s the first who text me sorry after that 6 months-I’m proud of her now cause it’s hard I just knew it hahaha. And now, I think I lost 1 of my best friend because of that, the fighting. I’m too selfish, I want her to not going to the wrong way. It’s like I’m telling her to not doing that things but she doesn’t want to hear me, and we were fighting, not like punching each other but like didn’t want to talk each other so silly haha. Okay at that time I just born again. and I want her to feel it too-you know lahh =] and now, I’m still have a good relationship with her. But I don’t know how is she now. I mean, not like when I’m being her best friend. We almost hanging out together everyday, and being so closed. And, I just regret it all. I mean not regret, that’s a lesson for me too. But its like, feeling sad cause she’s so far with me now. Not really but I miss the time when we’re laughing together and did a crazy thing. Just spend time together and for me now that’s cool, I miss that moment. Really, sorry…
That’s my experience. And now, like God give me the same test. Like what I said, that’s really same. Not really but, kind a…
1 of my best friend just said : what the heck? This story it’s like the same story with your past with 1 of your best friend.
Like what is said - I get mad and I didn’t spoke to her – 1 day. at that time, I cried I did haha so silly. In the karaoke place, that’s really sucks man, really. Maybe I have to cry at that time. I left the room and I’m going to the sitting room. And I cried. I just need time I know, I chat with God about my feeling and bla bla bla. But I ran to the toilet and I cried. I just want to push it out. And God told me : forgive her. I said : yes yes God I forgive her. But it’s like not easy for me. We left the karaoke place, we’re going to the mal and I really like wont to care about her anymore, I left her behind me. But when she left. I felt something wrong. And I felt, I doesn’t want to do it twice-not saying sorry. I doesn’t want to lose her. Lose 1 more best friend? No enough, enough with the past. I text her saying sorry and yeah, that’s okay.
1st lesson : say sorry
2nd lesson : be patient
3rd lesson : don’t fall in the same point

And it’s not the end dude, we still a terrible problems, until now.
And she’s lying to me and some people. I’m not shocked at that time, I can’t speak anything just look at her and, I forgive her again. Honestly, I don’t know why she’s doing that, we’re best friend. You can tell me anything, don’t lying. Honestly, it hurt me so bad. And I cant trust her that’s why, I tried to control her 24 hours. But I’m not feeling okay with that, I didn’t felt comfort with all of that sucks feeling. Worried, mad, can’t trust her, hurting so bad, and so many. And yes, I tried to control her 24 hours but, we just fighting and I’m still saying sorry. We’re okay now. I forgive her and I can trust her now.
We still a human dude, even we love someone soooo bad, we can’t control her. I know, we have a good reason for that. But we cant, just God can do that, can control their life cause God is the owner of all the creation. We can’t changes someone life. Just God can changes someone life. God touch their hearts and sooner or later, they will say : yes. He makes all things beautiful in His time, man!
4th lesson : forgiveness
5th lesson : we can’t control someone 24 hours, just God can do that
6th lesson : just God can changes someone life
7th lesson : everything beautiful in His time

this 2 last weeks I felt so many hurts, tears, tired, mad, I struggle its not easy. I always heard this 2 songs : not alone – secondhand sight (YWAM Perth, School of Music in Mission, Second Level), selalu bersamaku – Giving My Best a. k. a GMB (always with me from GMB. Oh man this song is soooo deep, if you know the meaning haaaa!). and I always crying when I heard that 2 songs. I know she’s lying, I don’t know what she’s think about me – Am I her best friend or not? No one heard me.
But I know, I’m not alone. Even they all leaving me, but He’s not. He’s my amazing friend. My closest friend, no one like Him. And I know, this is for my better life. For me to be a better person. For being a good one, have His character. To do what Jesus do – WWJD what would Jesus do, now I always asking God what would You do if You’re in my position now, and that’s really cool! He push me to makes me be a better one. I’m desperate but I’m really fine now. To be more like Him, yes!
8th lesson : I’m not alone, He always with me
9th lesson : He’s my closest friend, no one like Him
10th lesson : WWJD
11th lesson : push me and its hurt but to be more like Him

Isaiah 28:16b – the one who trusts will never be dismayed.
1st time I got this message, I can’t say anything. And I know, that’s my fault if I’m not trust in Him and her. I trust in Him and her now.
12th lesson : trust in Him and her

Proverbs 17:17 – a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
That’s for her, really. When I fall, I always get up and stand up again. I want her to be like that too. I will give my hand and hold her hand to help her, always besides her in happy conditions or not. Don’t leave her.
13th lesson : help her and don’t leave her alone
14th lesson : finally I know what a friend are for

Psalms 126:5-6 –
5. Those who in tears will reap with songs of joy.
6. He who goes out weeping carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
That’s right! Tears oh its like everyday with tears. But I know, sooner or later, I’m still the winner. I’m the winner for this problems. I want to bring her to be closer with God, and I know she’d be like that 1 day. the tears its not useless man, the pray.
15th lesson : don’t give up cause we’re the winner
16th lesson : faith dude, faith!

And I remember this.
17th lesson : focus on God, not on your problems
18th lesson : do what you can do, and just give it all the things that you can’t do
19th lesson : don’t take God’s part – to control her
20th lesson : if you have a child. She want to ride a bicycle. For the 1st time, maybe she would fall. But you will help her. Just always be with her and take care of her. We can’t drive it for her, but we just can help her.

So yeah, I’m become closer with God, how precious the friendship now for me but not more than God haha, and I know how to overcome it all now. I have no worries now and I enjoy my life now even still, the problems coming from this case. But I doesn’t want to focus on that problems, and I trust Him, just it. Everything is in God control, not us! It doesn’t mean I don’t care or what, but its time for me to not saying anything. Tired to speak and no one hear me, cause I know no one can changes someone. I’m in God processing now. He gives me strength, always.

And I trust in You, Lord. Just surrender all, my relationship with my friends, my bad and hurt feeling, just control her cause I know I can’t and she’s Yours! You’re our father and I know You know how to take care of us. You love her more than my love to her. You can control her 24 hours but I’m not. I just can fasting and praying for her, support her. And I pray that, someday she would be greater than me. You will use her in Your amazing way! You know my past and You just turn it upside down! And I know You will doing that thing in her life, she would know that Your grace is more than enough for her, no one can satisfied her with love except You! Thanks God, You’re awesome!

I trust You, I love You more

my 2008

2008-12-30T23:38:00.000-08:00

:: My Amazing 2008 with You ::

Yes yes! I really can’t believe that I’m here now! with the crazy NJT, and yeah… this is my amazing 2008!

Just wanna say thank you for my NJT! You guys my heroes, my transformers! Changes my life a lot! My 2008 is amazing, with all of you guys. From different churches, different characters, Not just being my best friends, but family! Yes we’re family guys ahaaa! Even the megacities is over, but we’re not yeah! Thanks for always support me, I grow so much this year because of you guys!

For my Youth Society, I still love you guys =] even I almost skip the service every week to ministry with the megacities, and yeah my focus is for megacities. But you’re the best for me! I still need you guys, I still need a church for me to growing. Sorry I know that’s my fault. Thanks for everything! Love you guys!
For bena, haha ben ben. I know you would be an amazing woman hey! Keep growing and yes you’re my sister, my best friend! Everything is possible ben! Love ya!
For Sharon, you’re my amazing leader. I miss to sharing with you! You’re funny but you’re mature too. I love you!

Hey the bule! I miss ya all! Thanks for everything, for teaching me English ha ha. Thanks for the experiences with you all. I love you all! Wait me, YWAM Perth haaa!

And especially for Jesus! Oh Lord You’re so faithful! Okay just want to remember all the things that He have done in my life, in my 2008.
Yes yes 1st I just born again August 2007. the process is so fast for me. But yeah not too fast. That’s PERFECT!
I just left that sin emmmmm April?
And I surrender my life July, 1st day of GYO!
And HMC, healing movement camp – yeah like deliverance thing. But that’s camp, July after GYO.
And join the megacities August hmmm? I guess.
But yes, that’s PERFECT, His time is PERFECT! Like I’ve wrote before, He want me to be free first before I go for Him, I mean outreach and that kind a stuff.
And I keep learning and learning. To surrender ALL – all yeah all! Everything – is not easy. Really fewhh… and to take up the cross daily, is really really hard!
But I know He with me always. And now, I learn about Him everyday and that’s super cool!
If I looking back of my life, my past. What I did in my past? That’s really not cool! I hate that.
I love my life now, with Him everyday that’s really awesome!

I want to keep growing in 2009. I want to walk with Him everyday in 2009. I want to know Him more, I want to bring more people for Him! I want my 2009 is more better than my 2008. I love my 2008 but I can’t wait for my 2009! I know I will love my 2009 more haha! I hope my 2009 is greater, and more fun than my 2008. I just want to be closer with Him each day in my life.

And yes, I love Him more in my 2008.
But I hope in 2009 I would more more more more more more more more more more loves Him!

Letter for Jesus, my best friend

2008-12-30T23:35:00.000-08:00

:: Letter for Jesus, my best friend ::

When all my friends left me
When I can't trust anyone
I know You hold me
I know You take care of me

When they're lying
They talking behind me
I know You're there
I know I'm not alone

Jesus, my best friend
Never leave me, and never let me go
I love you, I love you
Cause I know i can trust You
Cause I know You're faithful
I will stay here forever
With You, Jesus

When I am weak
When I can't understand it all
I know You beside me
I know You loves me

When I face the truth
I feel like I hide enough
I know You still there
I know I'm with You

----- Lord I know there's none like You, like You're faithful love. I don't care, and I don’t want to trust them at all. I just want to trust You! Cause I know they will leave me but You’re not. Cause they’re lying, they talking about me behind me.
Today I just learn to give it all to you, my friendship and yes, my everything. I know lately I spend more time with my best friend, not with You. That’s my fault and I'm sorry Lord. And now they hurt me, and You just show the truth. So painful but I can understand it now. I did I cried but I’m smiling now. You never leave me alone, and yes I can understand now that You’re love is more than enough for me! Thank you Lord, cause You still loves me. Cause You warn me Lord. Thank you, my closest friend!

I love You more =]

i love beach!

2008-12-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

So yeah finally I have my holiday! It’s not holiday but, kind a… actually, the youth leaders from my church have a meeting there, in the beach named anyer. Good place, very very good! I love that! So the meeting just for 1 day, and then we gonna have fun for 2 days more.
Yeah we did a lot of things. Banana boat! That’s so fun! I love that! And then we’re going to the middle of the sea and we walk there! Cause it’s not too deep, I can walk there =] and then play body board, so fun!
But the unforgettable moment is, when we’re on the way to the middle of the sea. I have a deep conversation with God! Soooo cool! I just pray for everyone, and I pray for my DTS. And I just remember the ‘wonderful maker’ song. Yess so wonderful! The seas, everything is wonderful. Yess You’re my wonderful God!
And He said to me when I see the water in the sea. Don’t worry about the money cause I will provide you, like that water, over flowing. Yes I amazed by Your love God!
My time, my pray, praise and worship time in that boat when we’re going to the middle of the sea is so cool! I really have a good time with Him. And that’s cool! I never do that before. I love Him more yes I know!
And after we’re playing in that beach until 6 PM. We’re going home and we having a great dinner. And then we have pray time. So yeah we pray and pray, to thanking God for everything, for this 2008 in my church. But yeah, I still praying for my DTS. I said : give me one more sign tonight! And I just talking like : I want go to DTS, Dad. This is the price and I don’t how to overcome it. I really want to pray for my YPDTS YWAM Perth 2011! And yeah we just pray and pray. And then Amen. Nothing… but one of my friend just sharing this one after we’re praying. He will provide everything that you want! If you asking, you already receive it. And he shared about faith in Him and yeah, that’s the answer! I know it’s not just a simple sharing, yess is it. But it’s more than that! That’s makes me stronger now. I know I would go for DTS. And that’s the answer, I already receive it, the money for my DTS!
And the beach makes me feel stronger now. yeah I have to be honest, I miss the bule so much. I just felt so alone, that’s bad I know. but almost everyday going out with them, and now? yeah but I’m much better now. and yes I’m not alone. I still have my friends from my church, my school, and my NJT too! Yeah from that ‘beach time’, I’m become closer again with my friends from my church. That’s really good cause during that outreach time I don’t have much time to going out with them. We have a recon with my friends, that’s really cool!
The ‘beach time’ makes me realize what happened in my life this year. So many amazing things.
God, You’re amazing!

Megacities =)

2008-12-16T00:40:00.000-08:00

It’s a great great year!

It’s unbelievable I’m working with megacities. That’s soooooo awesome! Talking with the bule, have a great relationship like a best friends and family with them, and be a translator. It’s so amazing! and He totally change my mind, yes now I want to be a missionary! My English now is so much better. I improve so fast. And my faith is more stronger now, yes I believe You will provide me Lord. Yes yes! My spiritual thing – relation with God, hearing God voice – is more strong now.

It’s so a big blessing to work with megacities, and see my city is changing a lot. And see the youth movement. Oh not just youth, but the churches too! And see so many things happened in my life, in this city. See so many people be healed in Jesus name and so many salvation, so many people want us to pray with them in Jesus name, share His loves, spread the good news! For me, I’m still 16 years old. so young uh? But almost everyday I go to the slum – during this 6 months – and doing evangelism! Is it not crazy? 16 years old girl, doing evangelism? I cant believe that’s me?! He totally changes my life, ever! He’s awesome God!

I never thought I can be like this now. spend all my time with the poor people, feel their feeling, and I’m doing my school at the morning. But believe it or not, my score is much more better than before. Even so tired, but that’s true. how great He is!

Ya ya, about the teams hmmm… it’s been a great time guys to know you and being your friends. I cant believe it’s over now. the 4^th wave leaving yesterday. So sad but I’m excited for the next year. Yeah weird yeah, almost everyday I spend my time with this team, they’re leaving, and the new team coming, and they’re leaving again. almost everyday I met them, and now just me and the NJT. Weird but that’s the best. We have our own calling.

Megacities is the great project for the cities. And I’m so excited for next year for megacities.

That’s a privilege to be a part of megacities. Thanks for the teams, for the bule, and for megacities =]

And we know, this is just the beginning

You're the God of this City

You're the King of these people

You're the Lord of this nation

You are

You're the Light in this darkness

You're the Hope to the hopeless

You're the Peace to the restless

You are

There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this City

Greater thing have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this City

There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this City

Greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done here

There is no one like our god

There is no one like our God

Greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this City

Greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done here

Yes I still believe You’re the God of Jakarta

And for all the teams, we don’t need to say goodbye, ha ha. I believe we will meet again, someday somewhere. Or just wait me in Perth – Amen!

We don’t need to say goodbye!

I love You

2008-11-30T19:46:00.000-08:00

It used to be darkness
Without you I
I lived my life in blindness
But now I am found

And I'll sing, sing I love you so
And I'll sing
Because the world can't take away
Your love

Found me in weakness
Broken
You came to me in kindness
And now I live

I'll give my life for you Lord
For all you've done

sing - hillsong

really like there's none like Your love God.
i learn something from my best friend. she got a very very hard problems with her boyfriend. she just called and text me. and her boyfriend called me too. they both falling in love so deep. but they have a big big problems. i just said : the focus is not your love, but what's God says to you. i don't know are they understand or not. but at least, i prayed for them. and i just heard this song : there's none like Your love. really God, there's none like You amazing love! even a boyfriend, or friends, or family, they will leave me. but You're not =]

i really can't explain about Your love. from dark to be light, that's crazy! how i love You Lord...

I love You

transformer =]

2008-11-23T01:35:00.001-08:00

25 October 2008
so, today I lost my on of my glasses! The left side, that’s crazy! I just sleepover in Bena’s house. Cause on that day, we will celebrate our Youth Fest! And we will working like a whole day! I just got back home-I mean Bena’s house-at 2 AM! Decoration and other stuff, I felt so tired. And today, I lost my glasses. I don’t know how come I lost it! I just put it on the stairs, near me and my bag. And it’s gone! I don’t know where’s the glasses. But, I’m so sad cause at that day, so many things will happen. And I can’t see anything? Ohh…
so yeah I just go to Youth Fest with no glasses, I’m minus 5. I really really can’t see anything! But yeah I have fun.
So at that day, the bules will coming! To the concert at 5 PM! New Zealand team with me a whole day to help me, and then Sunshine Coast team come too. And then Perth team! Like around 4, I just put all of my stuff at the chairs to booking the chairs for the bules.
And Youth Fest is sooo cool! The concert is perfect! I really miss that moment, see all the youth gathering to praise and worshipping God! That’s really awesome!
And yeah, I just thinking I want to sleepover in Santy-my Youth leader-apartement. But… Pet just text me!
p e t
25-Oct-08 22:15
Ha ha punch punch .. Ten points i win.. can you guess where I am now?
Pet
I just opened the details, and I see the number is Indonesian! I just jump and jump. Vinny just watching me and I tell her what happened. Actually, she text me at 20:03. but my battery is low, so I turn it off when the concert goin’. I’ve tried call Pet 2 or 3 times, she’s busy. And then she called me. I just like, so shocked! That’s surprise! She didn’t tell me, sooo cruel!
But when I back to Fredrick car, vinny just ask me :
“do you bring your transformer?”
“yes of course! I always bring that!”
“check!”
and I check my bag. No, not there. And I don’t know where my transformer!
“I see you put it to the chairs when you booking the chairs.”
“ah? I can’t remember that? I just remember, I put my jacket, my book, my bible, my bottle, and my bag. Are you sure?”
“yeah I saw that.”
I called all my friends, maybe they know where’s my transformer.
But no one know. I’m so sad and we’re going to Youth Fest’s place again. but we can’t search it. It’s too late. 11.45 PM.
So the security tell me to come tomorrow at 7 in the morning. Okay…
And I can’t sleep. I called Sharon, and bena. I really feel guilty. Cause it’s not mine, but Petrina’s transformer! And I lost it! I don’t know how I tell Pet about it. Yeah tomorrow I’ll meet Pet.
But I try to sleep. and 6 AM I wake up. And I pray: God, if You want to take it, just take it…
7.30 AM – the security tell me to wait until 9 AM. Argh!
I wait until 9. and I search it. But nothing, I can’t found it. And I tried to go to my church. But it’s not there too. So I just give up. And I go to Fredrick’s church and I meet Chin – the Perth team. Until 12 PM. And I go to Grand Indonesia – cause I meet Pet at 2 PM and I want to buy a new transformer. But I can’t found the great one, sigh…
And I just come, Pet with her father. She’s so different ha ha!
And Pet’s father just left. And we meet Joy too!
And at that day, Amanda just arrive in Jakarta too. So we called Amanda. She’s with Sam and Didi. And they come to Grand Indonesia.
After Joy, Amanda, Didi, and Sam left, I just with Pet. And I tried to say that. –I almost cry hahaha!
She said : don’t buy a new one, use your money to transform Indonesia and go to the nations. hahaha!
But I remember, at the worship time in Youth Fest, I just said to God, take it all from me. So yeah, He take the transformer. I’m sad but I’m okay. I just miss the transformer, and I feel so guilty. but i'm okay =]

anyway, i'm the transformer now!

New Zealand team =]

2008-11-23T01:29:00.000-08:00

I do I miss you guys!
The farewell is awesome, makes me crying soooo bad!
They wash my feet, that’s crazy! But really, you guys amazing! and you eat a little of my feet and my hand, hahaha! And doing holy kiss with hans, haha. Don’t be so crazy!
About this team, I really learn so many things! Hearing God’s voice and obeying Him, recon, how I see my leader and some of my friends coming and join with us, the precious praise and worship time – lead me to the cross, famous one, wonderful maker = their favorite songs, be crazy girl ha ha, loving people, great great farewell time with papanggo’s people, the garbage thing – argh crazy Betty and Sandra! They just put me on the garbage after Youth Fest!, crazy Indonesian wedding, being closer and closer, and for the 1st time I crying in front of the bules hahaha!, when I go with Perth, they always says : traitor! Hahaha, they loves me so much.
All the conversation, crazy snowboarder, the dream 2 years ago, the sugar coffee thing – Betty, I know you did it!, my 1st time to translate the preaching – until I lost my voice – too fast Jordan!, going with you guys a whole day – our second day – I really miss to speak in Bahasa at that time, Sandra and Lauren Birthday at Snoop’s Pizza haha!, futsal time every Sunday or Monday haha.
I do I miss you guys, I love you! Thanks for teaching me so many things. I know, I’ll meet you guys someday, somewhere… thanks for the very very precious time, I love you guys…

Isaiah 41 : 8-10

2008-11-23T01:15:00.000-08:00

At that night, I just skipped my cell group, again. ha ha… I don’t know why, I must go to GIA!
That night is the last night cell group from Perth team. Cause it just for 6 weeks, the training. And it’s about Lordship! That cool…
And the coolest thing is, Anna just give our time to have a great time with God. We can do anything, crying, worshiping, jumping, standing, or yeah… everything that we want!
And the music start! This is Our God…

Your grace is enough
More than I need
And your word I will believe
I wait for you
Draw near again
And your spirit make me new

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Your presence in me
Jesus light the way
By the power of your word
I am restored
I am redeemed
By your spirit i am free

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Freely you gave it all for us
Surrendered your life upon that cross
Great is your love
Poured out for all
This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Sovereign king
Rescued the world
This is our God

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Freely you gave it all for us
S urrendered your life upon that cross
Great is your love
Poured out for all
This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever out God is glorified
Sovereign king
Rescued the world
This is our God

I just stand, and I opened the bible. I said to Lord, I don’t know how to make it real God, how to go to DTS? I don’t have any money and You know, it’s a big number. How can I make it real? I don’t want my father and my mother work hard for it. And He just speak right to me :
Isaiah 41 : 8-10 =
8. but you, O Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have choosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend,
9. I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said , ‘You are my servant’ ; I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10. so do not fear, for I am with you ; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you ; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
And the film – I mean I just remember all things happened. All the verses. All His voice. All His peace and joy, when I talked with my mom. When I realized He use me to be a coordinator, even I’m still 16 years old! when I see salvation, healing, with my eyes! When I turn back and I falling in love so deep with Him! When I know Philippians 3:7 is true! when I choose to leave all my sins and He helps me! When I loves Him and I want to hear the worship songs every time – when I was a child, I hate Christian Songs! So bad! My dad is a pastor. So every time he turn on the Gospel songs, I turn it off. Ha ha! So funny… and now? hahaha…
When I realized I can speak in English now! when I see the people, I feel I want talk with them! Honestly, when I was a child I lived in Hong Kong for 4 years. And I speak English and Mandarin at school, and Indonesian at home. But when I back to Indonesia, i don’t have any friends. Cause I’m so quite and I don’t like to talking too much. and my teacher just called my mom to push me to play with the other and try to speak. And the silly thing is, I don’t know what is ‘ayah’ mean! Ayah means father. My teacher just laugh. And I cried on the way back home. I don’t want to speak too much…
But see me now! its because His love, His faithfulness! He fix all my heart, my broken heart. And I can speak now, in Bahasa and in English. That’s awesome!
I never imagine I can be like this. I really can’t imagine I’ll crying when I worship Him! Stupid things yeah, but that’s soo cool! I always miss my time when I pray and I worship Him until I cry and bow down on my knees. Yes I’m amazed by You, Lord. How You love me…
He’s amazing, I’m full with His love. And I really cant hide it to share it to all the people in the earth! They must know about it! I know my heart for them, whose don’t know who’s Jesus.
And yes, I loves Him. I love my Lord, my father, my best friend, my righteousness, my bride groom, my every thing…

DTS argh!

2008-11-23T01:09:00.000-08:00

I want go to DTS – that’s crazy I know.
Lately, I have a argument with my dad and my mom. They start asking me, how? Why? And what you’re gonna do for your DTS? They have a big worries. But I cant say anything. I just said, please just believe me. If Jesus really want me to go for the nations and for DTS, I’ll go! I don’t know why I have a big faith now. cause so many times, He give me the answer.
If I’m not going to DTS, I think I can be a missionary too. But teteh santy – my youth leader – have says about this :
Maybe if we’re not going to DTS, we can be a missionary too. But, DTS is important too. Cause in DTS, you will learn so many things. And DTS will set your life daily. Like a quite time with God, have a great relationship with Him. Like you really really will have so many times with God. And the world ‘can not touch’ you. Like the television, internet things, and so many stuff.
Yes I want my daily life is just for Jesus. I want to be a disciple, before I go to the nations. that’s why I need DTS.
I want to learn, and apply all of those things in my life. And I know 7000 dolar - 70 Juta rupiah it’s a big big big number, just for 6 months! Maybe I’ll work hard for it. But I’m fine, I know I have to pay it. It’s not easy.
YPDTS 2011, I hope soo. I graduate on July 2010. actually, I want go with Hans and Sam, they’re going on 2010. and Hans wanna go to YP too. But YP just open on January. So I can not go on 2010. that’s so fast, I know. I just have 6 months to work? Or yeah I still don’t know. but I cant wait until I graduate! I cant wait to go to the nations!
So yeah guys, please pray for me…
Bless you all!

2 Samuel 22:33-34

2008-11-04T06:32:00.000-08:00

I’m in the proccess to the next level now. I just feel like, some people judges me a lot. I think about it almost every night. Am I wrong?
I never think my best friend would judges me like that. At that time I felt like, I’m drop. I cant stop asking, why? But Psalm 56:1-4 give me a strength.
And 2 Samuel 22:33-34. that’s so powerful!

I love my Jesus more than anything!

Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost
In all you are

And I would give the world to tell Your story
Cause I know that You've called me
I know that You've called me
I've lost myself for good within Your promise
I won't hide it
I won't hide it

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For You alone are the Son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

-to the ends of the earth

His love overtaking all my heart. His love is unfailing. I feel joy when I’m with Him alone. And I cant hide it…

Last Sunday, my friend text me. He knows my problems. he said, some of my friends don’t like that people. And I said : don’t judges them all. If you judges them, we’re same with them.
I’m drop again. at that time, I felt like : why I’m not judges them? They all judges me a lot. Why I must take care of them all? But I just kept it inside.
But, yeah. in the evening Jordan preaching at Viny’s church. And I translate him. I don’t want but, God tell me to do that! So yeah, the topic is : our Job. I can’t understand anything when I open the notes, ha ha. And anita help me-thank’s anita! I still not realize that’s topic is for me! I realize that when I translate Jordan. At that time I felt Jesus give me the answer.
1st-our Job just loving God, and people!
2st-to judges someone, its not our Job.

Never too late, never too late =]

And I remember something. When I just talking with Amanda about my life when we go back to apartement.
At that time, I ask God : Why God place me in that church? why God called me to go outreach when I’m being so closed with them all? Why He not called me when the 1st wave?
And He said : I want you to change your church, that’s why I place you there. I want you to being closed 1st, cause I know you will complete my plans to change your church.

I just want to obey now. I know this is the process for me to change my home sweet home. Actually, this 2 months I felt like, I’m not comfort anymore at my church. But, don’t worry. I’ll never leave them all.

Hmmm, I wanna say sorry if I write it all. I just wanna share about Him in my life. He more than just wonderful!

He really take care of my hearth. Never too late. I love Him, my Dear Father =]

NZ team

2008-10-03T20:50:00.001-07:00

I just met them 2 days ago. So yeah, I will be their fasilitator during this 2 months with hans-why I must with him? Haha, just kidding hans.
Anyway, 1st time I met them, I just felt like I have met them before. Like, its not my first time to see them. I just keep it inside, and I just asked God. What is that means? And im so confused about the schedule cause hans not in Jakarta for 3 days, he go to his camp. So, we just have praise and worship time for the 1st day.
So yeah, I went to their apartement yesterday for praise and worship time. When we start, I just focus and I pray. But, at the time when I opened my eyes, I just felt like I have been there before. I have the same experience before. And yes! I remember I have a dream like that. A vision like that. All is same! And when I tired to remember what time I get that dream, maybe 2 years ago? Or 1 year ago? Cause I remember at that time, I just woke up and I said, “what kind of that dream? Its crazy. Im with the bule? What is that means?” and yeah, I think I have that dream before I born again.
That’s crazy! I felt like, Jesus really want me to go with this team. He plan that all before I be a real Christian! That’s awesome! And I know He have a big plan for me.
That’s why He choose me to go with New Zealand team. Not the Perth team or Sunshine Coast team. They all cool! But, its like He want me to be with New Zealand team. I think, I will have a great experience with them! I will learn something, yes!

Romans 8:28

2008-10-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

I felt so confused when I opened and saw ywam web. I don’t know. I just feel like, that’s crazy! I don’t know, I have a big worries. I don’t know where He want me to be. I don’t know when He want me to go. I don’t know why I felt, no joy? I still don’t know till now. But at that time, Pet online and we’re chatting. And then she’s pray for me.
In her pray, she put some verse. Romans 8:28. I just read it. And I’m shocked. Before I chat with Pet, I just opened Fredrick’s profile. And I read his favorite quotes. Romans 8:28. so, I keep that verse for my confirmation. I know God will provide me, amin!

i want to be a misionary, mom!

2008-09-18T22:55:00.004-07:00

So, today I have a very very good conversations with my mom! Yippy! Im so happy! Ha ha!
I’ve ever talked with my mom about His call for me to be a missionary. But, is not very good. My mom just said, yes. But yeah, just it.
And then I tried again. but at that time, my mom said-wake up Tirza. We don’t have the money! And, im drop. Really I just felt like, its impossible. Where I can get that money?
But, its so funny. 1 day after I talked with my mom, I go to financial seminar with Jess’s team =] I don’t know anything about that seminar. I think yeah for a businessman maybe? Ha ha! But im shocked when I know, its for missionary. I really don’t know about that ha ha! And yeah, the seminar really really encourage me. Nothing Impossible! Yeah!
I still don’t know where i can get that money, ha ha. But I know God will provide me, always. Just hear and obey, ha ha!
But im still afraid to talk with my mom again about it. Until tonight. When there’s no one in my home, only me and my mom. We’re dinner together. And then, God said to me-just said you don’t want go to university and you would go to DTS, YWAM! And yeah, I started it!
“Mom, I don’t want go to university, or anything else. I want to be missionary.” Believe or not, when I said that. I felt no worries. I felt joy! That’s crazy cause, me and my mother don’t have like a very deep relationship. yeah and I know that’s my fault.
“are you sure?” my mom just said that.
“yeah, sure! I know He call me mom.”
“but you know, to be a missionary its not easy! Daddy is pastor, and you know our income, right?” I know sometimes, my family have a hard time with our finance. Till now. And I must pray hard for that.
“yes mom I know. and missionary don’t have any income (I don’t know why I talked about it ha ha) but if be a missionary is my call from God, He will provide it. All my friends from missionary never be so hungry or poor. Till now they still alive. Cause God provide them all. And that’s same for me.” I think that’s the craziest things that I told to my mom, ha ha ha. Before it happened, I just think I don’t want tell my mom about missionary don’t have any income. Ha ha! But I know, when im talking with my mom. That’s not the words from my mind or what, that’s from God. Cause I felt no worries, I felt joyful! That’s amazing!
“but where you can get that money to go to Perth?” I didn’t said Perth before =]
“God will provide it! Just pray for me mom.”
“where would you go?”
“I still not sure about that. But I’ll keep pray for that. And for money, and for everything.”
“I have 1 friend from YWAM.” I never said about YWAM before too. But I think my mom read YWAM brochure. I’ve got that from GYO. But totally im shocked, my mom have a friend from YWAM? That’s crazy! I never know about that!
“who? Where’s she live now?”
“Holland, my friend church.” And yeah, we have a great conversation tonight. She talked about her friend. And her friend is my daddy’s best friend too! Ahaa! Ha ha ha! And she can believe me now, I’ve got the green light from my mom! Ha ha!
And its not the end of my ‘miracle’ today. Before I write this post, I just go out of my room. And I’ve tried to find my bag. I remember I just put it in front of my parent’s room. But, im shocked when I saw like some notes from my mom. Psalm 23:1 and 6b. I know its from my mom =]
So yeah guys. I never imagine, its so easy to get my mom permission. Ha ha! And its all because Him. I know if im not obey, yeah maybe I will lose my chance. Just say it in His time, not in your time. And He would give you joy when you tell that. God You’re amazing! so the next one is, my daddy! I just wait for the right time, for His time =]

Rizal part I

2008-09-18T22:55:00.002-07:00

Rizal, he’s 16 years old now. 1st 1 meet him with Belinda, Joan, and Fenny at Rawa Sengon, I just see a sad face.
At that time, I never plan to meet the old lady that I meet last week with JT. She had a blur eyes. But when I saw her store. God spoke to me-just go there and pray for her eyes. She’s a tailor. Her job is the only income for her family cause she don’t know where’s her husband now. Her husband married someone after he run away. So, we prayed with Belinda’s strategy. 1st time, she felt her eyes better but just 50%. So we prayed for her again. and then Joan prayed and touched her eyes. After that, her eyes be healed! She said that after Joan lift her hands from her eyes, she saw the very bright light.
After that, we saw Rizal just sat in front of the store. 1st time I saw him, he drank some soft drink. And Belinda said-our next patient! So we talked to him, we wanted prayed for you! And then we just asked him, you want finish your drink 1st or you want to pray 1st? he answered-I want to finish my drink 1st. so we waited. And suddenly he just threw his drink and said-let’s pray! And at that time, I know he have a big faith. So we prayed for him. He have a broke bone. And his right leg shorter 2 inc than the left leg. 2 times we prayed, he just felt nothing. So we asked him, do you have any unfair feeling, or rejected, or bitter? He just said, no. and we asked him again, do you feel unfair about your conditions with God? And then he said-yes. So we prayed for his unfair feeling, and for reconciliation with his parents. so we prayed for him and he repeat us. But when we prayed-I forgive my mom and my dad. He just said-I forgive my mom. And at that time, I just felt something wrong with his relationship with his father. After that we prayed for his legs again. and it grow! And we prayed for his back bone. He said when we prayed for him, he felt electricity like some of his bone want to be straight and we saw he shaking when we prayed. and then I met his mother. And then I ask-do Rizal have some bitter from his father? She just said-no, I don’t know. but almost everyday, Rizal’s father say the bad things to Rizal. And-dang! I think that’s the point.
So we came back next week and we saw his face more happy than the 1st time we saw him. We gave him Joan’s shoe because last time we met him, he said he don’t have a shoe, he just have slipper. So we prayed for him again. and now his legs is same. No one shorter or longer =]
and then we saw his back bone. That’s our 1st time. He take off his clothes. And honestly, I wanted cried but I hide it. Its so break my heart-his photos and video coming soon on my facebook guys. His mom said to me, when he was a little child, around 8 months. He always fell down. Everything okay till he’s 8 years old, the bone cant grow. So his family know about the bone after he’s 8 years old. so we prayed for him and after that, he can do the things that he never can do it before. He move his body and he can run a little bit now. That’s awesome! But he still felt the pain when he move his body. So, we encouragement him to practice it everyday. And when he do it, just said-thanks Jesus for the complete healing! And I saw, his smile is bigger than before. He’s so joyful.
And then his neighbor invited us to come to her house. Rizal follow us. So we saw the neighbor leg is shorter 1 inc. she said she had accident. Motorbike accident, someone hit her. So we prayed for her. 2 times, nothing happened. And then we asked, do you have a bitter or you cant forgive the man who hit you? And she said, no. I forgive him, I never have a bitter with him. And then we asked again, do you have a bitter with you father or mother? And then, she just cried. And said, she hate her father so much. Cause he want to throw her. She never met her father since she was born. And when 1st time they met, her father search her. And he want to do a very very bad things-I think I cant tell you guys, its too personal. And till now, her husband don’t know about that. He search her twice, and want to do that twice. But it doesn’t happened. We asked her to forgive her dad. But she cant and she wont. Its too hard for her. She’s cried and still said-no, I wont forgive him. We still encourage her. She’s still cried and said no. but we know, at that time holy spirit works. And finally, she can forgive her father. And then we prayed for her, pray for forgiveness for her father. She repeat after us. When she’s prayed, she’s still crying. I know that’s hard. But she want to open her heart and forgive her father, its like she open the door for blessings and healing.
And then after we prayed for forgiveness, we want pray for her leg. But, when we saw her legs, its already same! Hallelujah! Im shocked and, im speechless! That’s awesome! AWESOME! We’re not doing a pray for her legs before. We just do a pray for forgiveness. And before we pray for her legs, its already same. Me and Girja just shout-Ah Lord, You’re AWESOME!
And when I see Rizal face, he is so happy. His smile more bigger than before. He join us to pray for his neighbor and, when I see he’s so happy. I just think, he must join us to do this ministry! I hope so he can join us. And he would see people be heal and he can be heal too! Next week, yeah next week!
And then yesterday, me and Belinda just talk about Rizal. And Belinda said, she dreamt about Rizal a days ago. And she said, he would be a missionary. Maybe he would go to Bali and do DTS! And I can see it, that’s what I think of too. I think about Rizal 1 day after we prayed for him. And I’ve got that things too, he would be so AMAZING and he would be a missionary! And Belinda makes me feel so excited for Rizal. I cant wait to see that things happen! He would be a AMAZING man in God. His testimony will be so amazing! and I hope so he would go to DTS. Its gonna be so AMAZING!

To be continue…

about Jess's team =]

2008-09-18T22:55:00.001-07:00

I always ask Jesus, why my 1st team is Jess’s team? And then Jesus answer it 1 day. When we sang ‘Still’ at GIA church before we go outreach. He reminds me, when I was with the 1st wave, I just felt nothing. Cause I know, I still do that things. The bad things. I’m still a sinful person at that time. And I prayed, God please don’t let me did that ministry if I’m still broke Your heart. I want to know You first before I serve others. I want to feel Your love first before I share about You. And I know, I go outreach not because of You =] I’m sorry Lord!-I focus with ha ha! And I know, at that time I want to focus with my ministry in my church. So, I’m didn’t go outreach for 4 months.
But 1 day, I’ve heard about GYO from my Youth Leader and she wanted me to be GYO’s committee. I know about GYO. And that’s the right time, I’m still in holiday! At GYO, I know He call me to go, share about Him to the nations. And God not stop saying-OUTREACH OUTREACH OUTREACH! Go! Because you’re free now!-at that time, I never did that sin again. if you know my sin, you’ll shocked ha ha ha. And its all because His grace! He hold me so tight in His arm, never let me go again. I can feel it till now. He loves me so. And I love Him so much! and I feel His love more than before. I have a very intimate relationship with Him, all I wanna do just to spend all my time with Him, alone. Because I know He’s the only one living God, He’s my everything. And then He said, I will give you an extra ordinary moments in your life. You’re so young, I want to use you! And I just obey and I do it! I go outreach!
Actually, I’m a very very quite person-I need maybe 1 month to be a sanguine one =] and I’m phlegmatic! So, at that time I just invited my friends to go outreach with me for the 1st time with Jess’s team!-I need someone I know ha ha. I love them =] I love Jess’s team! =] and then 2nd time I go with my friends again. and I remember, that’s the 1st time God make me see how great He is! And then, God told me, you don’t need your friends again. you can go with or without them! I know, I go outreach not because of my friends or anything else. But I want to see His work in my life. And then, im struggle! Its not easy for me cause im a very quite person. I don’t like to talk too much. With bahasa. And now, I must speak in English! Jesus oh Jesus! Ha ha. Really, its not easy. That’s hard! Im struggle and i still go outreach! Because He wanted me to do it, I just do it =]
I know I don’t need anybody else, I just need Him. He always give a strength. But, now I know. all things that I learned, all things that makes me must struggle, it because He want me to do the ministry not because something else. He want me to do my ministry because I love Him and He want me to know Him more. And now, God is so real in my life now, yeah. I can see His works everyday =]
That just a bonus from God if I have a good relationship with you guys-Jess’s team. Thanks for everything guys, I’ve learned soooooo many things with you guys. You’re guys sooo AMAZING! I love you all. And like Pet said, 1st team is always special. Yeah, that’s true! you’re guys so special!
Actually, I did so many things that broke His heart too. Drinking, smoking, and yeah, a lot of sins. I have a very very bad past. That’s really hurts me for along time. I want to be free but I cant cause I just do it by myself. I didn’t ask Him to set me free.
But now im free, because of Jesus. That’s why I love Him so much. He’s a very great Father! He knows my everything. From zero to hero! If now Tirza give all her life for Jesus, its not because of she’s kind or blah blah blah. But its all His grace. And He called me in the right time and with the right person too =]
He call me when im so young =] have a deep relationship with Him, and see His works. I love it! Although at the beginning I don’t know why im so late to do this ministry (I mean, I can do this ministry earlier because I have a connection or I know the 1st wave schedule but He want me to go with the 3rd wave. And now I know that’s the best for me!) =] He want me to know what my purpose life 1st, and be free 1st before I do that ministry. And, yeah He’ll makes all things beautifull in His time. He always know what the best for me, and for you guys too. Just wait it, hear His voice. Hear and obey. And the greatest things is yet to come!
For Jess’s team, I love you all, I’m so happy I have you guys as my 1st team =] thanks for everything guys, I’ll pray for you guys!

Blessings!

Deuteronomy 30:16

2008-09-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

Yeah! its amazing!

Deuteronomy 30:16-I command you today, to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His ordinances, then you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land into which you go to possess.
Soo, before I read it. I just go to my church, my youth, like everyweeks. Then, when the pastor pray. He just said, someone will go to the nations and in the land into which you go to possess. I just cry , and cry. I cant hide it. I don’t know why. After he pray, my leader pray for me.
At the night, I cant sleep. And then I know, I have to make it sure. I take my bible. I turn off the lamp in my room cause my brother was sleep. i use my father’s phone to read it. My dad’s handphone like have a little lamp. When I open my bible, I got it. Deuteronomy 30:16. I cry at that night. The same words!
Its sooo amazing! till now I still cant believe that He will use me. Im a sinful person, but He want to use me! Its all His grace!
And yeah, I would go Lord, yeah! to keep my commandments and He’ll bless me to the land which I go to possess. I don’t know when and where. But 1 thing that I know, He call me and I would go to complete my life for Him.
Walk by faith, not by sight-

Blessings!

-t.za@windowslive.com

He never be ashamed of you!

2008-07-09T01:00:00.000-07:00

Hmm, who’s never make a big sins?

I have a big sins since I was 8 years old. And always keep it inside. I think, its all because Jesus want me to feel it! [that’s wrong wrong very wrong!] I regrets all. When I born again, I shamed about this thing. No one know it. Even my leader friends =] – Sharon, and my best friend, bena. It just, too ashamed for me. I think, I must keep it inside! Let it be my big secret that no one know it! But, 1 day I call Sharon [call her sye]. And then, vian join our call. He share about-why everyone like to keep their sins inside? If their share to others about their sins, maybe it would changes others life too. Their will try to confess their sins too. And it will be a dream team! Opens with others.

I think, yeah, that’s true. I write a message to sye, I want share my big sins with her. But, I need 3 weeks to prepare my self. Its not easy.

Finally, I share it [yeah, I cry when I tell her my big secret]. Not easy, yeah! After I tell her, I need time to take a breathe and control my emotion. Can you imagine? You keep it alone almost 10 years! Even im just share with her, just only one person, but yeah, its not easy coz its not a ordinary sins [haha! No no, I means, its not a, emmmm, yeah. it’s my big secret] before it, I think it just my past! But, when I share with her, I really really know-it my past! She can remind me, if I fall again [I hope not!]. thanks God for sye. She’s my great leader.

I share, I born again in her disciple class [haha!]. I share that, He is a very good Father! Never leave me alone when I fall again, still love me. At one time, I pray to Him, I never wants to hurts Him again! I know, all I do and thinks about this sins its wrong wrong wrong!

I pray-God, please take it all! All I feel, all I thinks! I’ve ever tired to free my self from this sins, alone. And I know, I can’t! So Lord, please free my self from this sins, help me! If it can hurts me soooo, I don’t care! I want free my self from this sins. With Your hurtest way, im ok. Take control all my feelings Lord, just take control! I don’t want to hurts You again, Amen.

Then, God free my self from this sins, in the softly way. I cant say anything. He is more than just amazing! He take over my feels, and He give no hurts to me even I always hurts Him!

After I share it, she send me a message-I never be ashamed of you, like God never be ashamed of you! You’re His lovely daughter. You’re precious, what happened!-
I cry again. honestly, I always blamed my self. Its not normal! But I realize, I means everything to Him, like Him means everything to me =]

So guys, I want to share it all! Everything! My big sins I can tell it! But, I cant tell it in public. So, if you want to share, contact me. Be blessed!

t.za@windowslive.com

my purpose life?!! hmm..

2008-07-09T00:55:00.000-07:00

It starts-3 July 2008. Honestly, im not very good in english =] but I’ll learn more and more. Hmm, gyo it’s the big event. And im in registration committee, haa! When night workshop 1st day, the topics its about=surrender all your life. It means=surrender your future, your money, your relationship, and all things, just for Him. Give all your life for Him. When altar call, holy spirit ask me=what you think about surrender all your life? And then I said,”missionaries.” But, yeahh. Just it…

And then when I back to my chair, I still stand up and pray. And then my friends hans, approach me. He said to me,” Tirza, Jesus said something to me. Can I pray for you?” I just said yes. He start to pray. He said=lu bakal jadi anak panahnya Tuhan-sebenernya sampe sekarang gw belom ngerti cy, apa artinya =] [btw, ada yg tau b.ingnya tdk? Wkwkwk]. And then he said again, the world don’t need a able persons. But they need a persons who wants! [huah, gw bingung englishnya-for anyone who read it and didn’t understand what I wrote, call me! Haha. Pokoknya dia tu bilang, dunia ga butuh orang yang bisa, tapi mereka butuh orang yang mampu]. And then he said again. You will get so many people and bring them back to Jesus. [yahh, pokoknya dia bilang=lu bakal dipake lebih lagi di jiwa-jiwa]. And then, holy spirit said to me again=the nations! Hmm, honestly I’m not too interested be a missionaries [ohh God forgive me!].

But in the second day of gyo, He speak to me soooo clearly. Morning worship-I share what I get 1 day ago with my friend, bena. I share everything, about my fear too. Im afraid about my parents-if they know I’ll become a missionaries, about money, about relationship with all my friends, and soo many things. But He answer it when morning worship 2. When altar call, I go to the front. I pray, Jesus, if missionaries its my purpose life, give me the sign, and I’ll do it! The pastor come and pray for me. Honestly, I really-really didn’t understand all things that he prayed. But only one sentence that I really-really understand. He said-Jesus speak to you really-really clearly. Im shock! And then I said to Jesus, please give me another sign. And I tell Him all things that im afraid too. He answer all my fears, at workshop 1 and at night worship. About money-He will give anything that you need for His Kingdom. About my parents-He will give them a sign [sebenernya bukan tanda. Tapi pengertian. Apa cy b.ing nya pengertian?]. About relationship with others-you bless the nations, He will bless your relationship with others more! [sbenernya ada 1 lagi. Dulu tu bokap nyokap gw pernah bilang ama gw, kamu harus jadi lebih sukses, lebih cukup lah hidupnya. Secara gw juga anak sulung. Gw tau, jadi missionaries itu akan hidup serba berkecukupan-yeah buat travel ke Negara lain pake uang sendiri, all things bayar sendiri. Not easy. Tapi sang pendeta bilang-apakah kalian ga akan pergi untuk taat pada perintah Nya hanya karena duit? Ijin orang tua? Karena takut pergaulan disana? Atau mungkin bagi yang anak sulung, tanggung jawab untuk keluarganya? Jujur gw shock banget saat dia bilang yang tentang anak sulung itu. Itu bener banget! For anyone doesn’t understand it, please forgive me coz I don’t know how to tell you guys. Hehe.] He just answer all my questions in one day! That’s soo amazing! And then, when Im in my room. I just think about His calling. I cant sleep. And then I take my bible. And I start to pray. Dad, give me one more sign. He answer it in-Psalm 104:33-35 [I don’t have bible in english version, you can read it in your bible =]. Mazmur 104:33-35=33-Aku hendak menyanyi bagi Tuhan selama aku hidup, aku hendak bermazmur bagi Allahku selagi aku ada. 34-Biarlah renunganku manis kedengaran kepada-Nya! Aku hendak bersukacita karena Tuhan. 35-Biarlah habis orang-orang berdosa dari bumi, dan biarlah orang-orang fasik tidak ada lagi! Pujilah Tuhan, hai jiwaku! Haleluya!] when I read=earth, my heart jumpin’. Some voice said to me-the nations. And then I pray again, please.. one more sign.. but He said to me-all that’s sign, not enough? Hmm… in 3rd day on night worship, I speak to Him. Yes, I want to be missionaries. I will give all my life, just for You!

But I feel, its not my purpose in 4th day. Until the closing ceremony, I feel worries. I think, missionaries its not my purpose. Coz, you know. After go to the gyo, so many people will on fire to go to the nations. soo many! And I didn’t want this fire, just for a while!

But in the Sunday’s morning. He give me it! Isaiah 48:6a [Yesaya 48:6a-Engkau telah mendengar semuanya itu dan sekarang engkau harus melihatnya ; tidakkah kamu sendiri mengakuinya?] yeahh, I’ve ever swear to Him I will go! And be a missionaries. I’ve ever heard Him speak to me, soo clearly.

Hmm, I think after I finish my high school I will go and be a missionaries. Before it all, if anyone who ever ask to me=where you will go after you finish your high school? Always, I said=design or architecture. But honestly, I never comfort with all I dreams. Be a design or architect? Ohh… He never answer all my questions to about=where should I go Lord? Design or architect? He never give me a answer or sign, no! when I heard He called me be a missionaries, I think…that’s great! I just,dunno… now Im just 16 years old. 2 years again before I finish my high school. I will learn english more [you’ll can see it? My english is bad! Huw…]. And save my money and not waste it! Its amazing! He changes my life! But, I’ll wait… for the others sign, I need it more. Its my life, and my purpose its sooo important! I always pray for it.

Now, for everyone who read this story, please give me a comments. Its important to me. Thanks for your time, haha! God Bless You All!

-wanna chat or send a message to me?
t.za@windowslive.com